Terrorist Attack Cripples Detroit; Americans Indifferent
DETROITâTerrorists destroyed the city of Detroit on Christmas Day. Not surprisingly, there has been very little outcry from the rest of the United States.
In fact, Americans are rather indifferent to the event. Some even show signs of joy, describing the attack as a âChristmas miracle.â President Obama said Friday that this attack is possibly the best thing to happen to America during his presidency.
âDetroit was holding America back from greatness,â the President said in a press conference. âThe terrorists actually did us a favor. I must remember to send Al-Qaeda a Christmas card if I ever get their address.â
Chicago entrepreneurs are already thinking of ways to capitalize on this joyful event. âIâm thinking of making a âRuins of Pompeiiâ theme park in the rubble of Detroit,â said acclaimed rollercoaster tycoon Jason Stein. âThe city looks just like Pompeii after Mount Vesuvius exploded, and the whole Ancient Roman thing is going to be the next big thing after the current vampire craze blows over.â
Locals who survived the attack are thankful to escape — from both the firestorm and the city it ravaged. âHonestly, Iâve been looking for an excuse to get out of Detroit ever since my husbandâs job was relocated to that awful place,â said Debra Shelley. âI canât wait to move to a better city — Baltimore, say, or East L.A.â
âAll I want is to shake the hand of the terrorist who did this,â said former Detroit resident Allen Shant. âItâs a shame it was a suicide mission. I wouldnât mind having a beer with the guy.â