Math Professor Honestly Doesn’t Even Know

EVANSTON ā€“ Upon returning from his math professorā€™s office hours, Jacob Rogers, WCAS ā€˜19, told sources that long-time MENU Professor Gregory McIntosh ā€œmight have actually lost it this time.ā€

ā€œI remember thinking it wasnā€™t even real,ā€ Rogers said. ā€œI just told him what I was stuck on, he read the problem, looked at the clock for a little too long, looked me in the eye, and said, ā€˜Honestly Jack, I donā€™t even know. Why donā€™t you go work on your ā€œeconomics homeworkā€ or something applicable to the ā€œreal world.ā€ā€™ He was practically possessed, shouting and spitting and biting on a Jolly Rancher. Yeah, that was my first time going to office hours and Iā€™m never going back. Thatā€™s messed up. My name isnā€™t even Jack.ā€

ā€œIā€™m glad Iā€™m not the only who thinks so,ā€ class suck-up and economics major Margo Sanders, WCAS ā€˜19, commented, ā€œTo be honest I just need this A, so whatever semi-psychotic behavior I have to put up with Iā€™ll do it. Iā€™ve been going to his office hours since the first day, and he has never spoken to me. Every time I ask him questions, he scribbles illegibly on the board, and shrugs his shoulders as if I magically understand his hieroglyphics.ā€

Jeremy Lang, McCormick ā€˜18, said, ā€œI should have dropped his class. The kid who sat in front of me on the first day, he did it right. While McIntosh was going through the syllabus, highlighting the fact that he doesnā€™t use Canvas or e-mail, I watched this kid login to CAESAR, drop the class, and leave. I made a mistake. When we did linear algebra in middle school it was not this hard.ā€

In the aftermath of this incident, Dr. McIntosh will no longer hold office hours. ā€œIā€™ve got more important things to do than help students find eigenvaluesā€¦ like figuring out how in Godā€™s name to use the e-mail machine.ā€

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