Students Bond Over Shared SSRI Dosage

Cold, dead hearts were warmed on the Northwestern campus this week when two very different undergraduates found themselves bonding over their mutual SSRI dosage.

Angelica Michaels, a third-year theatre major passionate about musicals and Shanley Pavilion, told the Flipside of her borderline magical experience making a connection with Jake Henricks, a sophomore engineering student intent on proving mathematically that emotions are useless.

“I thought I was the only one on campus taking 150mg of Zoloft every morning,” said Michaels of her dosage. “When Jake and I struck upon that commonality we share, I almost felt something for the first time in fifteen years.”

“Angelica is something special,” said Henricks of his newfound friend. “I’ve met people on Lexapro, and we just don’t mesh. And those Prozac assholes? Don’t even get me started.”

When asked of their experiences with students on MAOIs, both Michaels and Henricks sneered in disgust and asked to be excused from the interview room.

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