DM Tent to Include Barbed Wire and Guard Towers

In a shocking yet somehow believable announcement, Northwestern Dance Marathon has announced the incorporation of barbed wire and guard towers to their tent design this weekend. Sources within Dance Marathon report that the new look is merely intended to increase the smooth flow of operations and “nothing to read into at all.”

The update, which has caused some anxiety among the student body, was defended by Dance Marathon co-chair Daisy Plum at a press conference today. “I think there’s a very silly misunderstanding that DM forces everyone to dance for all 30 hours and keeps you ‘trapped’ in the tent,” Plum said. “You’re totally allowed to leave whenever you want. But don’t you dare try it.”

Students still remain skeptical, with many questioning why a “warden” position was added to the DM exec board, or why this year’s shirt giveaway will be replaced with an orange jumpsuit. “I keep getting told that Dance Marathon is ‘super casual’ and you can leave ‘whenever you want,’” said Finn Munchman, ‘WCAS ’22. “But I think it’s a little weird that Block One is ‘fingerprint and mug shot’ themed. Shouldn’t it just be like ‘Britney Spears’ or ‘rock and roll?’”

Despite the pushback from some students, many actually look forward to the new developments. “Dance Marathon is about charity, but more importantly, it’s about torturing yourself,” said Tammy Sunflower, SESP ’21. “I love how miserable the tent is already, but if they can also make it feel like a maximum security penitentiary, then I say even better!”

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