Author Archives: Alex Finkelstein

Smart Dillo PSA Advises, “It’s a Sprint, Not a Marathon”

EVANSTON — The Smart Dillo campaign has released their latest public service announcement just in time for Dillo Day. In their newest PSA, “It’s a Sprint, Not a Marathon,” the safety-awareness student group reminds everyone that the goal of Dillo Day is to not be a pussy and take things slow, but rather to get drunk as quickly as possible. “It’s a Sprint, Not a Marathon” features an animated talking armadillo voiced by PSA veteran Rebel Alley. In her cutest

That Guy in the Justin Bieber Song to Perform at A&O Ball

EVANSTON — The rapper from the Justin Bieber song “Baby” is officially slated to perform at A&O Ball Saturday. Reports indicate that this is also the same person who made a guest appearance in the Enrique Iglesias song “Tonight I’m Loving You.” Student reaction to the news has been mainly positive with many feeling on top of the world. RTVF freshman and A&O member Carol Lang said, “When I heard, I was like, yeah! The guy featured in that Usher

[Nostalgia Issue] Area Cynic Ruins Everything We Used to Like from the 90s

CLEVELAND, OH — An area cynic has managed to ruin everything from our childhood that we ever looked back fondly on. Over the course of one rambling diatribe that the cynic called “a conversation” he proceeded to poke holes in everything we ever cherished. For example, he really hates 90s television shows and has no shame haughtily telling us so. In his words, “TV is lying to you, man. Clarissa never really does explain it all, does she? Also I

« Older Entries