It remains unclear whether ASG’s new measure promotes accessibility, inclusion, or both accessibility and inclusion—but either way, it marks a huge step toward wellness and sustainability and equity.
Author Archives: Ari Mostow
“You’re totally allowed to leave whenever you want. But don’t you dare try it.”
“I also told him to ‘shoot quickly’ because the camera was low on battery, but I guess he misinterpreted that part, too.”
Smuthers initially agreed to comment on the story, but cancelled her interview with reporters upon hearing that The Flipside is not a marketing company.
Here’s the bottom line: if the climate is changing, you look away! Stop measuring the weather and making your graphs, and shut your eyes, for Christ’s sake!
Students interviewed overwhelmingly agreed that that using the hash tag “MeetMeAtNorris” allows them to maximize their illegal activity during ten minute passing periods.
The ranking, which will be displayed right below the “5th Best Dining” award on Northwestern’s Wall of Mediocre Achievements, came as a great surprise to the campus community.
“I wish I could just go up to someone and ask, ‘Who is the head librarian?’ But I’m not allowed to talk or ask any questions, because it’s a library and I have to be absolutely silent.”
“When I first saw the bird, I was like ‘Oh, okay, I guess spring’s here,’” said Jason Kang, WCAS ’21.
Apparently not understanding the difference between “university president” and “student-body president,” Morty Schapiro has permanently moved to Nicaragua under the assumption that the new ASG president has replaced him.