Plex To Offer Photosynthesis As New “Vegan Option”
The dining hall at Northwestern’s Foster-Walker Complex has delivered once again, this time with a trailblazing vegan option: photosynthesis.
Author Archives: Ben Moskow
Breaking: SchoolDude Actually Just New “Scream into the Void” Software
Each “inquiry” was immediately transferred to the trash on President Morton Schapiro’s laptop, which he allegedly empties every two hours because he “likes the sound it makes”.
Northwestern Professors Now Selling PowerPoint Ad Space to Close Budget Gap
Schapiro insisted that selling ad space is not mandatory. However, his rule that those who did not comply would have to spend a night as a Bobb RA has made PowerPoint ads quite popular among professors.
English Major Contemplates Symbolism of Soaked Frat Basement Walls
“If these walls could talk, I bet they’d be telling us that it’s okay to cry sometimes.”
Pete Davidson Unfollows “Victorious” Fanpage on Instagram
At press time, the 40-year old man operating @myqueentorivega69 briefly considered getting a job before converting his fanpage to an iCarly account in hopes of regaining Davidson’s approval.
Northwestern Required to Provide Eight Metric Tons of Corn for Nebraska Football Team to Graze
Northwestern obliged with a long-standing Big Ten policy and provided the Cornhuskers with eight metric tons of corn to satisfy the team’s so-called “craze for the graze.”