While we cannot currently provide video, audio, or photographic evidence that this has happened, we do have blue hairs we cut off our intern that probably look like Sonic’s luscious mane.
Author Archives: Enrique Eguiguren
“You can get upset at me for what seems to be a blatant breach of fairness in admissions, but you can’t deny the hustle” said Shapiro.
Urkel has been locked 24/7 in a small, heavily guarded cell in a classified location, but his lawyers have reported that he’s enthusiastic that he’ll get off because “there’s always the next episode”.
Despite the backlash, Disney executives don’t seem to be worried. “What’re they gonna do, not watch a Disney movie? We own everything.”
“My voice sounds really decent on an auto-tuned studio recording. Still, the acapella groups won’t accept me, even though at least half of them sound like you’re listening to an Instagram cover of Mariah Carey.”
“She really connects to the experiences of college-age Gen-Z students like no other 60 year old woman I’ve ever met.”
Northwestern Students across campus seem to agree that while the punishment is harsh, it’s the only way to get the basketball team to stop losing.
Nunez has been ramping up her efforts to appeal to students in preparation for spring quarter, reportedly concocting a weekly drinking game/kahoot to help bring the students of the dorm together.
Greg Arridal announced that he was partnering with Morty Shapiro to start accepting Dining Dollars at his store and within the same day, every student had burned through all their dining dollars, and Arridal went out of stock within 3 hours.
Industry insiders speculate that Virginia Governor Ralph Northam is being considered to play the lead role.