I was lazy, listless, and broken inside, but ever since our night (or really evening) of passion, my life has totally turned around. I got into not one, but two improv groups on campus.
Author Archives: Enrique Eguiguren
Morty has seemingly become obsessed in the days since with ensuring NU continues to move up the rankings and has covered the walls of his room with charts, graphs, and… other things, trying to, umm, “analyze” what allowed us to move up.
While we cannot currently provide video, audio, or photographic evidence that this has happened, we do have blue hairs we cut off our intern that probably look like Sonic’s luscious mane.
“You can get upset at me for what seems to be a blatant breach of fairness in admissions, but you can’t deny the hustle” said Shapiro.
Urkel has been locked 24/7 in a small, heavily guarded cell in a classified location, but his lawyers have reported that he’s enthusiastic that he’ll get off because “there’s always the next episode”.
Despite the backlash, Disney executives don’t seem to be worried. “What’re they gonna do, not watch a Disney movie? We own everything.”
“My voice sounds really decent on an auto-tuned studio recording. Still, the acapella groups won’t accept me, even though at least half of them sound like you’re listening to an Instagram cover of Mariah Carey.”
“She really connects to the experiences of college-age Gen-Z students like no other 60 year old woman I’ve ever met.”
Northwestern Students across campus seem to agree that while the punishment is harsh, it’s the only way to get the basketball team to stop losing.
Nunez has been ramping up her efforts to appeal to students in preparation for spring quarter, reportedly concocting a weekly drinking game/kahoot to help bring the students of the dorm together.