Author Archives: Killian Young

“Joe the Plumber” Launches Presidential Bid; Rick Perry Still Dumbest GOP Candidate

TOLEDO, OH – Samuel Joseph Wurzelbacher, better known as “Joe the Plumber,” unexpectedly announced Thursday his plans to challenge Obama in the 2012 presidential election. John McCain and Sarah Palin used “Joe the Plumber” as a metaphor for the middle class in the 2008 presidential election, so Wurzelbacher already enjoys nationwide name recognition. His platform focuses entirely on bad plumbing puns and one promise: “They’re not going to catch me in a lie.” One political commentator pointed out that an

Groupon Sets October Ferris Bueller Screening at Wrigley for Next 100 Years

CHICAGO – Groupon has scheduled a screening of Ferris Bueller’s Day Off at Wrigley Field on the first Saturday of October for the next 100 years. “It became readily apparent over the past few years that the Cubs will never have use for Wrigley Field in October,” Andrew Mason, CEO of Groupon, stated in a press conference. “They are just an incredibly shitty baseball team.” The Cubs have not had a winning record in three seasons. Despite boasting impressive household