White Teenager Says “Praise Yeezus,” Gets a Solid Laugh
“My friends used to āPraise Yeezusā all the time in Idaho, and I just thought it was something people said.ā
Author Archives: Marco Cartolano
Sheil to Hold Coat Drive for Idiot Freshmen
āI understand now that in order for Sheil to serve the Northwestern community, we need to give these idiot freshmen the coats they were too stupid to realize they needed in Illinois,ā Sister Mary said.
Professor: Okay. Sent from my iPhone.
Olstead said that she deduced the email was sent from the professorās iPhone.
Op-Ed: You Want Hazing? I’ll Show You Bitches Hazing
I heard that some of you little princesses thought we were going easy on you. Well get ready bitches, because Iāll show this sorry excuse how to haze.
Op Ed: David Bowie Probably Won’t Headline Dillo Day
If they even got David Bowie, they would probably find some way to fuck it up. David Bowieās time is precious and he would not waste any of it working with amateurs.
Area Student Also Has Plenty of Dreams on MLK Day
Monroe, allegedly inspired by Kingās dream of racial equality, will start to work on his own dreams of not skipping lectures and staying in on Thursday nights.
Fat Old Guy to Say Some Words
Sources report that a fat old guy is going to say some words during a speech on November 4th at Northwestern.
Fitz Runs Out of Virgins to Sacrifice
Coach Fitz allegedly sacrificed his last virgin during the Minnesota game.