Op-Ed: What I Learned by Eating at Arby’s Every Day of Summer Until They Offered Me a Job
Before you go off and apply to internships and jobs for next summer, take a look at what I’ve learned these past few months.
Author Archives: Stef Luthin
Ask Flippy: How Did A$AP Ferg Fill Out His Name on ScanTrons When There Is Not a Corresponding Dollar Sign Bubble?
How did A$AP Ferg fill out his name on ScanTrons when there isn’t a corresponding dollar sign bubble? He must have taken a standardized test at some point in his life, right?
New RTVF Major: “It’s Finally Time to Break Out the Beret”
“When I got the email welcoming me into School of Comm, in that very instant, it just hit me. This is it… I can finally break out the beret,” Wayfield stated, fighting back tears.
Freshman Nonchalantly Googles “Who is Pusher Tee” Mid-Conversation
“I didn’t know what any of those words meant, but I figured I’d start with finding out who this Pusher Tee is.”
Freshman Super Excited to Watch Dillo Through their Snapchat Camera
“The best part is probably when you zoom in so much that everything becomes blurry and you can’t even find the singer on stage anymore. What a thrill!”
Morty Breaks Out the Temporary Tattoos in Preparation for Dillo Day
Sources have been reporting for the last few days that Northwestern President Morton “Morty” Schapiro has recently decided to bust out his temporary tattoo collection in preparation for Dillo Day.
“Yeah? Well I Have Seventeen Midterms Tomorrow,” Boasts Local Jerk
Rumors suggest that Chesterton may be the elusive and mythical obnoxicus doucheium, or “busiest student.”
Naruto Manga Announced to Be Class of ’23 One Book
“We know people don’t really read the One Book,” she explained, “but if it is filled with drawings of lovable ninja adolescents and their enlightening journeys to become the greatest Hokage the village has ever had, what college student could possibly pass that up?”
Area Freshman Deeply Relates to Lost, Chubby Squirrel Frantically Seeking Hibernation Spot
Hopefully we’ll come out of this quarter stronger, huh? And more well rested.
Lonely Freshman Rides Tandem Bike in Hopes Someone Will Hop On
“I just know that one day, after my 9 a.m. class, someone will be waiting for me outside Kresge. They’ll see my mint green tandem bicycle and the two helmets I always keep in the front basket. They’ll look at me, and ask with a smile, gesturing toward my humble set of wheels, ‘This seat taken?’”