New Hazing Ritual to Involve Attending A Cappella Concert
“I understand that boys will be boys, but nobody should have to endure the agony of a student a cappella show.”
Category Archives: No. 263
Op-Ed: Cheetos in milk are the best winter vegetable. Let me convince you.
Theyâre orange, powdery and drenched in milk. Seemingly unassuming, they manage to divide the masses like none other. Itâs rare that such a small thing can cause such polarization, but they do so with aplomb. Yes, I am talking about cheetos in milk. And yes, I think theyâre the best winter vegetable out there (and I know many of you will disagree). Cheetos in milk get a lot of flak, and I have to admit that I was also once
Students Bond Over Shared SSRI Dosage
âI thought I was the only one on campus taking 150mg of Zoloft every morning,â said Michaels of her dosage.
Scientists Discover Girlsâ Bathroom in Locy is a Portal to Hell
âIt just seemed right,â said Satan. âEven I was creeped out by the Locy basementâI was like, âwow, looks like someone beat me to it.ââ
Cold Weather Making Life “Really Hard” for Kids in Thousand-Dollar Jackets
âMaking Northwestern a safe place for incredibly rich shitheads is more or less part of our mission statement,â Schapiro said.
God Annoyed With Amount Of Prayers For Release Of âAvengers 4â Trailer
In an unexpected press release, God stated that he has become âsick and tiredâ of the âmillions of prayers asking to release the trailer for the new âAvengersâ movie.â Earlier this week, a series of chiseled, stone tablets from Yahweh himself were found on the altar at the Sistine Chapel. Once they were translated from Latin, they revealed the Almightyâs distaste for his new workload. âEvery single day, I sit and I listen to prayers asking the same things: âCan
Entrepreneurial Genius Logs into Handshake During Middle of Lecture
Smuthers initially agreed to comment on the story, but cancelled her interview with reporters upon hearing that The Flipside is not a marketing company.
Wildside to offer fifths of vodka to help boost attendance at sporting events
Forget free t-shirts and food, the Northwestern Wildside is ready to get you shmacked. Desperate to increase student attendance at sporting events, the Wildside advertised free fifths of vodka to the first 100 students who showed up to the womenâs basketball game on Thursday. âWhat our student body lacks in school spirit, it makes up for in alcoholism,â said Wildside president Lindsey Carlson. Initially, the Wildside was worried that students would leave when they started handing out fifths of rum
NU and Ohio State Fans Bond Pregame with Indy Favorite, Meth
The bitter rivalry between Northwestern and Ohio State fans sparked by the Big Ten Championship Game this Saturday came to a surprisingly peaceful conclusion at a local tailgate with the help of a Hoosier classic. When Northwestern football fan, Bill Werner, initially crashed the tailgate, it appeared relatively ordinary. âI wandered into a backyard and started eating the nearest hot dog,â said Werner. âNext thing I knew, the meth pipe was in my hand.â âThe Northwestern fans started out chanting
Plans to Include SpongeBob in Avengers 4 Canned Following Deaths of the Only Two People Who Wanted It
A previously unreleased concept art poster shows him alongside the other heroes with the tagline, âForget Infinity War: Thisis the most ambitious cross-over in history.â