Category Archives: No. 97

Piers Morgan Interviews CBS This Morning Hosts about Interview with Oprah after Her Interview with Lance Armstrong

NEW YORK — Continuing the media frenzy over Lance Armstrong’s admission of doping, Piers Morgan invited the hosts of CBS This Morning to talk about their latest interview with Oprah Winfrey, whose recent interview of Lance Armstrong is set to air in a few days. “We were pretty well prepared going into the interview,” said Charlie Rose, one of the co-hosts of the morning news program, to Morgan. “We’ve read all the information out there available about the interview she’s

Professor Segues To Segue

EVANSTON — Northwestern Media Studies professor Miles Head entered into a ten-minute-long series of conceptual segues last Tuesday while attempting to explain the syllabus to his “History of the Hyperlink” class. The first segue occurred as Professor Head wrapped up his discussion of the syllabus’s “Academic Honesty” section, referring to a “network of scholarly communication.” He then told the class, “and speaking of networks, boy, do I have quite the in-class technology policy.” Students reported that at this moment the

Performance Enhancing Drugs Sole Inductee to Baseball Hall of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY — Last Wednesday, the Baseball Writers’ Association of America made history by voting in the first non-human inductee to the Hall of Fame. “Performance Enhancing Drugs” (PED) was the only candidate to receive the needed 75% of the vote, ushering it into baseball’s most hallowed ground. PED built an impressive resume in its decades-long stint in the MLB, accounting for over 90,000 home runs, 325,000 RBI’s, 800 ‘roid rage tantrums, and 500 shrunken testicles before being forced into

Freshman Girl Just Wants to be in a Sorority Already

LIKE, EVANSTON — Freshman Jackie Parker like, really felt a connection with Lambda Lambda Lambda today. She doesn’t know, like, call her crazy, but she could totally see herself being a Tri-Lamb. Don’t get her wrong, like, she loved a few of the others, but she just felt an immediate bond with the girls there. And plus they’re, like, super pretty. But please don’t ask her about recruitment cause it’s sooo annoying and stressful and she just wants to talk

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