Tears were shed as the hero of the day approached the microphone for a speech. Patricia Telles-Irvin was spotted comforting Pat Fitzgerald, softly purring, “There, there. Who needs the Big Ten? You got Maine and that was good!”
Category Archives: No. 123
Just a bunch of people wearing jeans. Like, normal people.
A healthy amount of national attention, a near-victory over a national championship contender, and a successful Hail Mary were just a few of the things that have made this season memorable so far. Yet, it could all be in vain due to Venric Mark’s season-ending injury.
Yo man, that’s totally rad.
“Yeah, I can’t say we really understand it,” said Northwestern Men’s basketball head coach Chris Collins, referring to the sudden arrival of the player of his dreams, not the devastating meteorological phenomena currently wracking the globe. “We’re just thrilled to have him.”
However, the socks are no longer white. Not. Even. Close.
“At the very least, it feels good to have a ranking in which we beat those assholes at Penn,” said Isiah Miller, a junior in the Medill School of Journalism, who was rejected from the University of Pennsylvania when applying to colleges.
Still not enough for a full load of laundry.