The conflict most likely started when Jeremy Jones – the third-stickiest member of his kindergarden class – accidentally wiped his boogers inside the tree where Snuggles usually stores his acorns.
“First margarine and now this? I didn’t serve two years in the military, get dishonorably discharged, and move back in with my parents just for someone to confuse me with a quadruple negative!”
While we cannot currently provide video, audio, or photographic evidence that this has happened, we do have blue hairs we cut off our intern that probably look like Sonic’s luscious mane.
“All we know is we have a sombrero-wearing pineapple-duck who looks like he stuck a fork in a light socket. Maybe we’ll never know the full story.”
Urkel has been locked 24/7 in a small, heavily guarded cell in a classified location, but his lawyers have reported that he’s enthusiastic that he’ll get off because “there’s always the next episode”.
“A din’t mean tae cause no ‘arm. A was jes’ ‘avin’ a bad dae!”
“I never thought this would happen, dude,” lamented Burt McDover, who looked after Post Malone’s head lice. “Posty said he just wanted to try taking a quick shower because all his buddies did it every day. It’s the newest trend, you know?”
The liberal party had reason to be chuffed with the big argy-bargy over the EU turning into a big bowl of codswallop with May’s failure to pass a Brexit divvy plan 432-202.
“The last time I was this stressed was when I got a terrible registration time for winter quarter of freshman year and found out the only open classes I could take were Orgo, EA, and EECS 211.”
Where do all the uneaten chickpeas go? A Qatar-based cryptocurrency is only the beginning of the story…