Category Archives: Headline

TRUMP IMPEACHED: That Got Your Attention, Huh Paula? Now Will You Please Let Me Talk to the Kids?

In a move preceded only twice in the history of this hallowed nation, House speaker Nancy Pelosi has begun the lengthy journey that could end in — I’m sorry, I can’t do this anymore, Paula please let me talk to the kids. I’ve made mistakes. I know that. I’m not blind to my faults, babe. But I shouldn’t have to get into college at 41, pretend to feign interest at the most tedious info meetings I’ve ever been to and go

NBA Referee Assigns Technical Foul To Pregnant Woman For “Hiding Basketball”

The NBA Playoffs erupted into chaos Tuesday after a referee dished out a technical foul to Claire Rogers, a pregnant woman in the stands, for “hiding the basketball.” The incident, which has already been deemed the greatest misunderstanding sincethe Salem Witch Trials, began in the third quarterafter an erroneous pass found its way into the stands. Sources report that as the ref turned his head, he noticed a round woman whispering to her stomach over and over. He immediately blew

Big Al’s Guns and Lemonade Raises Minimum Gun Buying Age to 14

In light of recent events and the current political climate, Southern landmark, Big Al’s Guns and Lemonade, has announced a controversial decision to ban the sale of all firearms to all people younger than 14. Viewed by some critics as bending to political pressure, Big Al himself announced that lemonade sales will still be unrestricted despite the new firearms policy. “I find this here new regulation to be classic liberal bullshit propaganda,” stated Chuck Horowitz, a 14-year-old high school freshman.

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