Tag Archives: Brothels

Morty’s Archnemesis City-Council-Man Once Again Threatens Northwestern

MORTY’S SECRET HIDEOUT – Resident superhero Morty, otherwise known as Morton Owen Schapiro, was called once again to fight the forces of evil when his archenemy City-Council-Man, threatened to “close all the brothels.” Morty, alerted to this danger by “Save the Brothels” signs around campus, immediately donned his superhero costume – a purple sweater, purple tights, and very cute rimless glasses – and went off to investigate. Before leaving his secret hideout (which this reporter can exclusively reveal to be

Evanston Police Create New Brothel-lizer

EVANSTON – Keeping with the historically progressive nature of the Evanston government, the police department issued a new technique to limit public unrest: the brothel-lizer. The brothel-lizer is an oblong white tube inserted anally to check for brothel residue. “I might not be a proctologist,” said deputy chief Victor Rudo, “but working at the police department has given me plenty of experience fucking kids up the ass.” “Metaphorically,” he added. Evanston officials are considering the addition of a volunteer brothel-lizing