Shots Fired From 70 Arts Circle Dr. Tragically Miss Local Improv Troupe
After the smoke cleared and adrenaline levels returned to normal, the student body was met with tragic news: the shots had missed the local improv troupes.
Tag Archives: Campus
Angry AO3 Fanfiction About OC “Fuke Ligora” Describes Campus Shockingly Similar to Northwestern
“In Chapter 12, after deciding to hoard even more BINAX-Now’s by blocking incoming shipments of at-home tests, Fuke Ligora cackles with glee about his evil plan in the office of his supervisor Shorty Mapiro.”
In Devastating “Boy Who Cried Wolf” Scenario, Elder Residents Perish in Dorm Fire
“Turns out the twenty-third time’s the charm.”
Transplanted Square of Landscaping Grass Longs for Soil of Home
“I just don’t feel at home here. I miss Bowling Green. I know college is supposed to be about getting out of your comfort zone, but I wish I could go back to the nice southern topsoil I’m used to.”
Classes Cancelled as Morty Loses Key to Northwestern
“This definitely isn’t the first time Morty has had to cancel class due to his forgetfulness. One day during my sophomore year, we couldn’t have morning classes because Morty forgot to wake up the professors.”
University Renames North and South Campus as Left Brain Campus and Right Brain Campus
“Who are we fooling with this ‘one cohesive campus’ bullshit?”, added an anonymous tour guide.
Speaker to Speak at NU
This is the Yamaha STAGEPAS 600i’s final stop on its college campus tour that has been widely publicized ever since it gained consciousness earlier this year.
Study Links Decline in Internet Pornography Viewed on NU Campus to Shitty Wi-Fi
After analyzing the data, Chanis was shocked to find the most common response being “the lack of consistent Wi-Fi” (31%), outpacing even the expected “I don’t have the time” response (24%) and the “I’m not a motherf—–g pervert!” retort (22%).
Ezra Pound: “I Really Admire Your Wildcat Spirit”
A sea of purple shirts, without interruption or impurity, all rallying around the leadership of the great Pat Fitzgerald – what could be more beautiful? Nothing, I feel.
Northwestern University in Qatar to Close Evanston, Chicago Campuses
“We’re going to have to build a good team if we want to stand a chance against our rival, Texas A&M University at Qatar,” said Football Coach Pat Fitzgerald.