Northwestern To Cancel Aggressive COVID Countermeasures, Will Instead Impose Economic Sanctions
Figora and Northwestern are not afraid to stand down in the face of danger
Tag Archives: economics
Report: Bryan from Econ Doesnât Like Halloween âAs an Institutionâ
âYouâre not a sexy cat, or a sexy maid, or a sexy bottle of Suave Men 3 in 1 Citrus Rush Shampoo, Conditioner and Body Wash. Youâre just your sad little self, and that should be enough.â
Northwestern Unveils New Slogan: âYum Yum Yum Money Money Money Yum Money Yumâ
âWe wanted to distance ourselves from this debate over work culture and proper mental care to focus on what we think the university really stands for. Money.â
Area Freshman Nails Motherâs Day with E-Card
âWhen I saw âjackoff69@gmail.com has sent you an e-cardâ in my inbox, why, my heart was all of a flutter,â Macy McDonald said.
Investment Guide: Analysts Conflicted on Dillo Day Wristband Market
Since initial trading began at the Chicago Board of Exchange two weeks ago, investors have flocked to obtain the wristband and despite the trading cap at maximum three bands per investor, the commodity is flying off the shelves.
Area Third Graders Eager to Contribute to Gross Output Indicator
Many referred to a recent survey by the Pew Institute where 82% indicated they picked their nose recently, 74% said theyâd picked a scab, and 22% reported having eaten a bug or worm intentionally in the past 60 days.
Top Sororities Fear Proposed Regulations in Cute Guitar-Playing Boy Market
EVANSTON — Northwesternâs top-tier sororities have made it clear that they strongly oppose the Panhellenic Associationâs proposal for the setting of a price ceiling in the cute guitar-playing boy market. The cute guitar-playing boys, referred to as GPBs, face a huge spike in demand during Big/Little Week, during which sororities anonymously shower their new âLittlesâ with gifts, food, movie parties, and the chance to be serenaded by a GPB in front of other Littles. Sarah Smith, an Economics major and
Point/Counterpoint: “Should I Raise Tuition?”
Guest contributor Morton Owen Schapiro argues that yes, raising tuition is an unfortunate necessity in todayâs economic climate, while Morty Schapiro counters that HELL YES, have you SEEN the prices for these FUCKING FLOWERS?!?
World Bank Hazes the Shit out of New President
Kim was forced to consume copious amounts of alcohol, run around the National Mall half naked while blindfolded, drink a gallon of milk mixed with water from the Potomac River, deny emergency loan requests from Angola, and be quizzed on facts of the founding of the institution.
Econ Major Learning About Prisoner’s Dilemma Again
EVANSTONâKatherine Eisner, a Weinberg economics major, was dismayed to hear that she would be once again learning about the famous Prisonerâs Dilemma in her game theory class. “Great,” sighed an exasperated Eisner, “just great. I donât think it stuck the first 12 times I learned it, but 13th timeâs the charm, right?” “The Prisonerâs Dilemma is a fundamental and central example in the field of game theory,” explained Joan Docter, Eisnerâs professor, “and it is impossible to proceed without first