Some of Kyle’s posts include the time he described you as “thicker than a bowl of oatmeal,” or when he said he would “straight up smash [your] ass like Meta Knight.”
Chandler posted three get-to-know-me posts in the group so that every new classmate could get a full picture of her.
“The woman I thought was Danica, the bitch who brought GMO orange slices to practice last week, revealed herself to actually be some guy from Northwestern.”
“As if I didn’t trust Facebook enough already,” said Ted Damon, area father, “I can definitely put my faith in it now that it’s showing me how well it knows me.” Prompted for clarification, Damon said, “Who doesn’t love a business that listens to its customers?”
“As soon as I saw that blonde chick in the third row wearing those yoga pants, I just knew I had to figure out who she was.”
“It’s just amazing that the Russians still can’t get the easy things right,” said Jim Kelley, a Denver Broncos fan who spent three hours stuck in Secaucus Junction following the conclusion of the Super Bowl.
Much to Kelter’s surprise, she and Gaerke did not hang out even once during their freshman year. After a few brief hellos during Wildcat Welcome 2012, they stopped acknowledging one another altogether.
“Why would a prestigious university in a heavily Jewish area ever have a professor who openly denies the Holocaust? Open your eyes and question the narratives set before you, people,” Silverman posted on his Facebook page.
THE INTERNET — Incoming freshmen Kerry Stahlin and Nicole Silva officially became roommates yesterday. Silva quickly accepted Stahlin’s offer to room together, a product of months of Facebook inbox flirtation. “Kerry is just so me. I feel like I’ve known the girl my entire life,” Silva explained. Although Stahlin and Silva have never met, their online communication clearly conveys that they are an undeniably perfect pair. The relationship began shortly after early decision letters were released. Silva messaged Stahlin in
THE INTERNET — The Northwestern University Class of 2017 Facebook group saw a three-hundred percent increase in activity this past week when soul-searching accepted student Alyssa Gianonne asked the deep and philosophical question preoccupying every early-decision applicant’s mind: “So what’s everyone, like, MOST excited for next year?” Gianonne commented on her own post thirty seconds later explaining that marching through the historic campus arch, erected in 1993, is something that she predicts will be life changing. Within minutes, Gianonne’s post