As the only satirical newspaper on campus, The Northwestern Flipside feels proud (and obligated) to nominate its first annual Homecoming Court and recognize the most notable members of the Northwestern and surrounding Evanston community.
EVANSTON — Northwestern University President Morton Schapiro announced yesterday afternoon after his annual meeting with President Obama that he found the U.S. Presidentâs tactics using drone strikes against American enemies extremely inspiring. “In fact,” President Schapiro said, “I am releasing an NU executive order right at this moment, and yes, per the latest ASG legislation nobody has read, I can do that, that the university administration is hereby allowed to launch drones against the enemies of the university.” The new
EVANSTON – Northwestern University seniors were surprised to learn that the 2012 Commencement Address would be delivered by a farmer named Paul from central Illinois. âI mean, I guess I understand how farming might be important in light of the food crisis in, like, Africa and whatever,â Weinberg senior Jonah Goldblum told Flipside, âbut I was expecting someone a little more⊠academic.â Northwestern University President Morton Schapiro reacted to the lukewarm response to the farmer, saying, âThis Spring, thousands of
EVANSTON â Evanston Mayor Elizabeth Tisdahl announced Monday that she is permanently closing local iconic bar, The Keg of Evanston, due to repeated charges of underage drinking. Tisdahl explained, âWhen an establishment breaks the law, it must be warned, and then punished. When it continues to break the law, it must be shut down.â The announcement did not come as a surprise to Evanston residents, as Mayor Tisdahl has previously supported efforts to enforce Evanstonâs âbrothel lawâ and denied a
EVANSTONâA controversial new initiative sponsored by the Gender Studies department intends to revive customs long thought by intellectual heavyweights to be part and parcel of outmoded gender concepts. Though it may be difficult to imagine now, there was once a time when women had to fend off the attentions of men on campus, who would approach them, signal their interest, begin a conversation, and finally ask them out to some form of social gathering. The women, it was reported, would
EVANSTONâNorthwestern President Morton Schapiro unveiled plans to supplement the Evanston campusâ lake fill with a private archipelago across Lake Michigan at his inauguration on Friday, Oct. 9. The plan will raise awareness about sustainability by using organic material from old-growth rainforests to fill the archipelagoâs islands, Schapiro said. Citing the cramped conditions of the Sept. 19 âRock the Beachâ dance party thrown for freshmen during Wildcat Welcome Week, Shapiro noted in his inaugural address that âthe time is nowâ for
EVANSTONâNorthwestern President Morton Schapiro’s convocation address to incoming freshmen was rudely interrupted when Kanye West barged onto the stage and interrupted the speech. The well-known rapper grabbed the microphone from Schapiro’s grip and spoke to the shocked group of freshmen. “I’ve seen crazy things before, but nothing quite like this,” commented freshman John Rennault, “Who would believe that someone as fly as Morton Schapiro would be interrupted in the middle of an address?” After grabbing the mic, West did not
EVANSTONâIn a breaking story just reported by Fox News and confirmed by Flipside investigative journalists, Northwestern University president-elect Morton O. Schapiro has been exposed as having attended an extremist Muslim Madrasah as a child. Schapiro attended the Conway, New Hampshire-based East Parkway Elementary Madrasah from 1958 to 1963. The Madrasahâs administrators could not be reached for comment. The blogging community, on the other hand, had much to say about this latest development. â[H]es a closet [epithet deleted]!â said SecndAmendmntRulz_218 of