Tag Archives: Pakistan

Study: World Really Fucking Depressing

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EARTH – According to a recent report issued by scientific journals, current events periodicals, supermarket tabloids, internet bloggers, the Federal Reserve, and the US Department of Transportation, planet Earth is a really fucking depressing place to live. Drawing from a sample size of over 6 billion people, the report found corruption, narcissism, violence, and willful ignorance to be rampant without exception in every environment settled by human beings. Although these predispositions were only observed in approximately 23% of the global

Read more No. 88, Politics, World

Dept. of Defense to Release Intel on Locating Pakistan

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“‘Americans have the right to know how we’ve been working to protect them, spending ten long years for Pakistan’s exact location,’ said Anton Brownstone, who has been charge of the search since the early years of the Bush administration. . . Brownstone explained that it was his team who finally found Pakistan ‘hiding’ slightly above the Indian subcontinent.”

Read more No. 59, Politics, World

UN: Red Cross Flooded Pakistan to Raise Awareness

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NEW YORK—Last Friday, the United Nations Subcommittee on Natural Disasters released a report crediting the International Committee of the Red Cross (ICRC) with the recent Pakistani floods that have left 21 million homeless. The investigation cited anonymous sources in the organization, who said the disaster created “new publicity and fundraising opportunities.” Red Cross President Jakob Kellenberger immediately accepted full responsibility for the floods. In a recent press conference, the President promised that, due to conflict-of-interest concerns, the organization would remove

Read more No. 40, World