EXPOSÉ: Xanthe Brown, Despot and False President
What is this, literally 1984? Fuck you. Fuck off. Fuck.
Tag Archives: President
Biden Rejects Student Loan Forgiveness Plan, Salty Because He Just Finished Paying His Student Loans
For decades, Biden has been spotted working weekends at Sunglass Hut, presumably to pick up some extra cash. It is unclear whether or not he will continue working now that his loans are paid off.
Critics Find Trump’s Impeachment Sequel “A Little Stale, Been Done Before”
“The new plot was bland, and the ending was a lazy and rushed attempt to conclude the presidency. Not to mention they cut out Mitt Romney, who was one of the best characters.”
State of the Union between Donald and Melania rapidly deteriorating
Melania could not be reached for comment, as she was busy staring out a White House window, her hand pressed against the cold glass, thinking of the days when she was a young girl and had nothing, and how much she took those days for granted.
New Executive Order Is Just Book of Leviticus
At press time, President Trump had already cancelled the executive order after realizing that it would have banned slander, lying, showing partiality to the rich, and of course, letting your hair become unkempt.
Trump Apologizes for Mistreatment of Elizabeth Warren, Admits He Was Wrong
Trump’s speech has been widely regarded as a shining example of political decency and civility. Many are also applauding his masterful turn of phrase and elegant use of language in his speech.
Exclusive: ASG President-Elect Accepted $13.35 in Bribes During Term as Academics VP
A formal report filed by an anonymous whistleblower to the ASG Election Commission alleges that Jason Guo, Junior Undersecretary to the Vice Admiral of Academics, delivered an Edzo’s double-griddle burger and strawberry milkshake to Patterson and never received reimbursement.
Flipside Endorses Jim Gilmore for ASG President
While it is true that Governor Gilmore has not formally announced his candidacy for ASG President, his recent United States presidential campaign indicates he is open to leadership roles.
Morty Invites Mayor Tisdahl to His “Safe Space”
A recent email chain recovered by Flipside reporters exposes an exchange between Northwestern President Morton Schapiro and Evanston Mayor Elizabeth Tisdahl.
OPINION: America is Ready for a First Man
William Jefferson Clinton is just the right man for the job. He has decades of experience in the political arena as former Governor of Arkansas and a brief stint in national politics.