Tag Archives: Red Sox

Cubs Sign Epstein, Fans Fear Success

CHICAGO – The Chicago Cubs recently announced the signing of ex-Red-Sox general manager Theo Epstein to a 5 year-$20 million contract, making him one of the highest paid non-players on the Cubs directly behind Carlos Zambrano, Alfonso Soriano, and Ryan Dempster. Epstein, who is just coming off the most unproductive month of his career with the Red Sox, is expected to fit in flawlessly with the overpaid, underperforming style of play the Cubs have perfected over the years. “We are

Yankees Pull Total Dick Move on Red Sox

BOSTON – Major League Baseball’s investigation of the New York Yankees has finally concluded, with the official report ruling that the Bronx Bombers are still total douchebags. This examination came at the request of the Red Sox, who would not stop bitching about their historic September collapse.  Believing that the Yanks fixed their regular-season finale against the Tampa Bay Rays, team representatives sent a formal request to commissioner Bud Selig, who was pleasantly surprised to learn that the playoffs had