The global scientific community is on indefinite hiatus after the miraculous discovery that Northwestern University is located on an unprecedented tear in the space-time continuum where sexual intercourse is a non-extant phenomenon. Said top quantum physicist Harold Campbell of the (admittedly not-so-shocking) discovery, “We’re quite surprised that such a tear in the fabric of reality is scientifically feasible. No one, however, is surprised that the one known location in the universe to subvert years of astronomical understanding of time, space,
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Twenty students have already come to the floor RA with complaints that they witnessed Daniel once again pulling the socks off the handles and tucking them gently under his belt to later be thrown into a pile in his room.
“Fucking has always been the foundation of our relationship, and no amount of love we have can ever change that.”
Students have been advised to ask the Rock out for a cup of coffee or a nice dinner before taking things to the next level.
“You know, it’s guys like him that remind you that chivalry isn’t dead. It’s just creepy and horny.”
“I’ll try to cut down the foreplay to the first two seconds so we can get right into the action.”
After years of what Turman’s mother referred to as “boring, missionary sex,” she was finally ready to “take off the mom jeans and put on the edible underwear.”
Reports from Allison Hall coming in just moments ago indicate that a couple upstairs is, in fact, really going at it right now.
“Nah, I don’t need Sex 101. I’m no beginner to pleasuring women. I bet I could teach that professor a thing or two.”
Although specific phobias affect about 12 percent of the general population, heterophobia is spreading at an unprecedented rate.