Johnson decided to step into the ring with the furry three-and-a-half-year-old, saying that he’ll be “coming to Sesame Street to kick ass and eat cookies, and he’s all out of cookies”
“That chunk of sandstone had some powerful friends. There’s no harm in me meeting with an applicant personally, sharing intimate secrets, exchanging phone numbers, and making secret handshakes. It gives the student no advantages whatsoever.”
“Something about how they’re rubbing their little hands together synchronously, after a new raccoon joins the circle every sixth minute, just really freaks me out,” said Steven Kasmer, WCAS ’18.
“This explains so much about The Rock’s psyche,” he said to Flipside reporters, “It knows it’s a total failure compared to its cousin, so it covers itself in paint to mask its own inferiority complex. Truly fascinating.”
Students have been advised to ask the Rock out for a cup of coffee or a nice dinner before taking things to the next level.
Reports indicate that only an individual who has achieved greatness at Northwestern will be able to remove the weapon from the Rock.
The first act is scheduled to open at precisely 6:00 am on the Monday of finals week with subsequent acts performing during the Chem 103, Econ 310, and Physics 135 midterms.
Our pick for Best Original Song: “Jam (Turn It Up)” By Kim Kardashian… No comment necessary.
Fellow guides, the state of the TGs is awesome! There is not a single thing wrong with anything on this campus or within this group of 120ish tightly knit undergrads and graduates who haven’t yet found a real job! Let me tell you why. This podium in front of me was built in 1851 by our founder, the same guy who built The Rock, with his bare hands! That’s definitely a true fact!
EVANSTON – Evanston junkies were outraged yesterday when they found out Northwestern University’s beloved Rock is, in fact, just a rock. A recent increase of recreational crack-cocaine users on the Northwestern University campus has stirred up some talk on campus. However with all the work, the cold settling in, and the football team unable to stop any team’s offence, their presence isn’t quite at the top of anyone’s worries list. It turns out the drug users have been flocking to