“Trump kept pushing his hands together, attempting to push two imaginary landmasses across an ethereal demilitarized zone; his face reportedly became increasingly purple as well.”
Tag Archives: Trump
Several sources close to the Trump family have voiced concern over how much time he spends watching the soulless pawns dance across the screen, but Marcellus isn’t worried: “If anything, this is what his father would have wanted.”
At press time, the White House was frantically sandbagging the doors and windows as neat regiments of transgender Navy Seals politely waited outside to have a word with the commander in chief.
“Most mornings, I wake up, check my phone and see a CNN or BBC notification that Trump has gutted the EPA or said something was racist, but this morning was weirdly peaceful.”
Once aware that Ivanka’s position was textbook nepotism and that she was feeding her father the blood of those less fortunate, the House committee was forced to publicly condemn their fellow Republicans.
In lieu of her inability to really understand science, Owens has decided to show she cares by retweeting snippets about important scientific advancements and discoveries from the recently created Rouge NASA.
Under the regulation, every American will be required to use a browser extension that translates potentially subversive texts to politically acceptable language, to take effect February 25.
“This new policy will both keep Hinman safe from all forms of Terrorism and make those liberals regret every protesting.”
“Many of us have returns in our trunks and they’re having a great sale—20% off to accommodate the 20% less we get on our paychecks.”
“Many of my sources have commented on [the recent change]. One of them compared it to high school senioritis.”