Tag Archives: uchicago

UChicago Lifts 127-Year-Old Social Ban

A week after Northwestern’s Interfraternity Council lifted its 9-week-old social ban on Greek-sponsored parties, University of Chicago administrators announced today that they too would be ending their university’s social ban, which has been in place for the entirety of the school’s 127-year existence. “When we put the social ban in place, we were very concerned about the prevalence of sexual assault, along with race-mixing and Spanish imperialism.” University of Chicago President Robert J. Zimmer said. “Since then, I think we’ve

Tour Group Perspectives: The Annoyed Sibling

Ugh. I could totally get in here. This is dumb. I don’t even know why you would want to come to school here. Like Willie the Wildcat? Seriously? Dumb. This place is probably full of UChicago rejects. My (insert standardized state tests here) scores were in the 99th percentile. I got a letter from the Governor, the actual Governor of (insert state with said standardized test here). Northwestern would be my super safety. I’m the smart one. Mom told me.

TKOE Loses Liquor License, 1/3 of NU Students to Transfer

On January 30th, 2012, The Keg of Evanston closed following the revocation of its liquor license due to multiple violations of underage drinking. Northwestern University students came together in mourning the end of those crazy, drunken nights at the Keg. Students were bound to be upset about the ruling, but no one anticipated the mass exodus from the university. Nearly one third of the student body has applied to transfer elsewhere rather than remain in a Keg-less Evanston. The top

Medill Students Uncover UChicago Plot to Suck the Fun Out of Evanston

EVANSTON – A team of students from Northwestern’s Medill School of Journalism released a report Tuesday revealing a widespread conspiracy by the University of Chicago to suck the fun out of Evanston. According to the report, numerous members of the Evanston City Council had close ties to UChicago, whose students often jokingly refer to their alma mater as “where fun goes to die.” The administrators apparently received substantial campaign contributions from members of the university’s administration. In turn, the UChicago

UChicago Sends Rejected Applicants “Congratulation” Letters

CHICAGO—Often found fantasizing about what life would be like if he got into his college of choice, Stanford University, area high school senior Sam Nix was pleasantly surprised when he visited his mailbox Tuesday afternoon. It did not contain a letter from the private school in Palo Alto, CA, but a big packet was waiting from the University of Chicago. Largely unknown to commoners, this university is credited to starting nuclear warfare (and is subsequently blamed for the failure of