Tag Archives: Vodka

Wildside to offer fifths of vodka to help boost attendance at sporting events

Forget free t-shirts and food, the Northwestern Wildside is ready to get you shmacked. Desperate to increase student attendance at sporting events, the Wildside advertised free fifths of vodka to the first 100 students who showed up to the women’s basketball game on Thursday. “What our student body lacks in school spirit, it makes up for in alcoholism,” said Wildside president Lindsey Carlson. Initially, the Wildside was worried that students would leave when they started handing out fifths of rum

Alcoholic Turns Down Free Natty Light

EVANSTON—In a shocking move last Thursday morning, Joe “No Liver” Guggenheim, a local convenience store night-shift manager and alcoholic, turned down an offer of a free case of Natty Light. The offer came when the brothers of Tappa Tappa Keg realized that they bought more beer than they could fit in their car. The fraternity was stocking up for a big weekend bash to celebrate the coming of a full moon. Upon seeing Mr. Guggenheim drunkenly stumbling down the street