Nation’s Men: Airport Pat Downs Totally Cool As Long As It’s A Chick

LOS ANGELES – In a recent Pew research poll, 73% of American citizens cite new TSA search regulations as invasive and unnecessary, but found an overwhelming 98% of males polled are “strongly in favor” of the pat down option, as long as the officer is female.

While we saw a strong trend at 85% of women feeling more comfortable with a member of their own sex conducting the search, almost all men responded with the same favor of women. “In fact, they weren’t just comfortable with it, men are almost universally insisting on female pat downs,” said Andrew Kohut, president of the Pew Research Center.

“I recognize the dire need for increased security, so I’ll do whatever it takes to protect our safety if it’s a girl,” said traveler Luke Spangler, before heading into the security line at LAX. “I can’t see – is she hot? Sorry, what were you asking?”

Despite the vast response from males, the study found the preference for women held true across the board, regardless of gender or sexual orientation. “It doesn’t matter who you are,” said Mr. Kohut, “nobody wants some dude touching their stuff; just…no.”

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