Two Dead, Others Injured in Bed Riser Collapse

EVANSTON—This week, Weinberg freshman Stu Pitt and his roommate Tim Burr perished after falling two feet and three inches when Pitt’s bed risers caved in. The four-inch-tall risers were a violation of Northwestern University’s housing code, which prohibits any kind of lofted furniture.

“This is for safety reasons,” said NU housing representative Justin Thyme. “When I reflect upon this great tragedy, it’s clear to me that the boys would still be alive today if they’d just followed the rules. cheap custom research papers It’s probable that those four inches were the difference between life and death.”

At the time, the roommates were reportedly standing on Pitt’s bed in order to hang a flag, a fishnet, and some holiday lights on the adjacent wall. While he reached for another nail to drive into the pristine paint, Burr’s foot became entangled in the net. He stumbled, grabbing his microwave in an attempt to regain his balance. When the microwave fell, the kettle atop the microwave was overturned, pouring boiling water onto the plastic bed risers. Investigators believe that this single occurrence weakened the foundations and caused the infrastructural collapse of the dorm bed. Pitt and Burr are believed to have died from sub-cranial hemorrhages incurred in the massive two-foot fall. The wreckage of the bed then fell on the microwave. The broken kitchen appliance ignited, causing an explosion that threw the boys’ bodies into the hallway of the dormitory.

“There is a reason we have these rules and restrictions,” said Thyme. “Otherwise, this terrible series of events could repeat itself. Remember, folks, if you don’t follow the rules, this is what happens to you.”

As they lay undiscovered for several hours, the bodies of Pitt and Burr propped the door of the dormitory, allowing anyone to enter. In the subsequent chaos, many were assaulted or trampled. A third floor resident reported a sighting of Osama Bin Laden in the women’s bathroom. Northwestern Police is still looking for Bin Laden.

However, shortly after the incident, the NU Police released a statement claiming that there was no proof that it ever happened: “As all evidence of the accident itself were destroyed in the fire, it is not verifiable and thus cannot be considered a bona fide incident.” The Northwestern University Police Department advises all students to nonetheless be cognizant of safe decorating choices.

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