Average Tuition Falls After NU4Bloomberg Students Drop Out
The Northwestern administration stated that the dropping students’ tuition accounted for about $55.4 million in lost revenue .
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Iron Man to be rebranded Fe Male for International Women’s Day
With International Women’s Day right around the corner, we kinda recognized that having a womanizing playboy as a central character in the Avengers is not the move.
Op-Ed: As a 30-Year Old Man Who Lives in His Parents’ Basement, Parasite Really Spoke to Me
I’ve read other film critics reviews spouting out nonsense about how the movie was a masterful display of how capitalism pits societal classes against each other, but I don’t believe this was really the major point of the film. I understood Bong Joon-ho’s message that middle-aged people who live in their parents’ basement should get the same respect as everyone else.
Mr. Ratburn Endorses Buttigieg, says He Best Represents the Gay Elitist Rat Demographic
“If me and my husband are cute enough to get every conservative state but Alabama to run our wedding on children’s network television, Pete and Chasten are for sure cute enough for any other issues with his platform to just get totally overlooked.”
McCormick Student Retakes Rice Purity Test, Finds Score Went Up
“When I came here, I had a purity score of 100,” attested Annie Eisenbower, McCormick ‘23, “but when I changed into my jammies, after a spirited debate about the role of metaphysics in the world of meta-metaphysics with some colleagues, it went up to 102.”
Scarlett Johansson Becomes First Asian Woman To Be Nominated For Two Academy Awards
“Well, I’ll simply take every role that comes my way. As a proud member of a minority group, I feel like it’s my duty to act in as many movies as I can. That way, even if I end up being the only Asian actress in Hollywood, the rest of my people can feel represented by me.”
Movie Mishap: Jason Derulo’s Penis Accidentally Edited into Every Shot of Little Women
“Tom was very clear: we are keeping Mr. Derulo’s digital penis saved just in case.”
Fueled By Mango Vodka And Room-Temp Lean Cuisines, Junior Writes The Next Great American Novel
Matthew Steinway, a junior majoring in Creative Writing, has written the next great American novel after a 76-hour writing session fueled by mango-flavored vodka and microwavable Lean Cuisine meals. With baggy eyes and jittery hands,…
Dorm Room Party Just Six Guys Playing A “Bop-It”
“I think I misunderstood when he told me it was ‘gonna be a bop,’” said Mendoza, “they were all really into it too. When I tried to leave, one guy put his hand on my chest and told me ‘don’t stop the bop.’”
From the Archives–Op-Ed: Charlie Chaplin should Stick to Silent Movies, Keep his Political Views out of Talkies
This film is his first “talkie” and boy does he talkie a lot.