A new TikTok trend has gained popularity with men over forty and anyone suffering under late-stage capitalism. The #poemsbywillieloman trend went viral after account posted a series of videos of him speeding home while violently shaking his head to the beat of Party Rock Anthem by LMFAO, with this poem written in the caption:
One day you’ll inherit the BestBuy account passed down from my father before me, and his father before him, all the way back to the great Steve Zucherberg Bezos Trump — and those discounts and deals will carry you to old age, despite our living in squalor in the Dust Wake
“It’s like long johns, but longer”
He has also been practicing his speed and acrobatic skills, the agent reported, just in case the reason you left him was because he wasn’t good enough at flying. The bird swears he’s better now, even though he’s developed grey feathers and cataracts, and will be so much more fun to be around if you would just start visiting him again.
The research, fondly dubbed the “Sweet Saccharin Study” undoes decades of anti-dextrose discourse. Doctors everywhere are reading the Sweet Saccharin Study with bewilderment, quitting their jobs, and wondering how they got it so wrong.
Northwestern Administration figured there may as well be an enjoyable experience at the end of the long-ass wait.
Putting one’s head inside a running microwave could allegedly, maybe, possibly cause cancer.
“By the time it went to voicemail sixteen hours later, spores were already growing out of her corpse.”
The study, conducted amongst top-ten ranking schools in collaboration with the Collective of United Mansplainers (CUM), revealed interesting neurological and physiological responses triggered in the male brain.
“My face is flakier than Northwestern’s male population, and my knees and elbows are so cracked that James Franco could get trapped down there for 127 hours.”