“I got a vaccine plug from a buddy of mine in Kappa Delta Moderna, and I was just looking to get lit, get wild, and vaccinate some shawties,”
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“Too long hath these Pfizer and Moderna knaves parried with the virus. They flash thine fancy swords and dance around in thine gilded boots, but those swine’s art COWARDS. Sir Johnson shall end it all in a single blow!”
Good news! This week, MTV launches a reality series following Kanye West’s therapist, giving fans a sigh of relief after despair following the Kimye divorce announcement. The show, aptly named “Shrink Rap” follows West’s therapist Dr. Shakur, a man adamant that he is not in fact Tupac in hiding. As a longtime friend of Kanye West, or Kanye as he lets me call him, I was able to interview Dr. Shakur under one condition: Kanye would accompany me. The notes
Steve, baby, you can’t have completely forgotten about the day we had together.
“It’s not bad at all,” she said. “I haven’t talked to my husband in almost a decade, and I’m growing hair out of holes I didn’t even know I had. So I can’t complain.”
“You know, like, how he’s so tall and she’s so short that it looks like he’s going to develop chronic back issues from having to stoop down to kiss her? That’s what I want.”
The Flipside Guide to: staying humble when you single-handedly put your entire hometown back in quarantine
No matter the slack you get from the Moms of Springfield Facebook group, don’t stop partying!
The public response appears to be mostly positive. The LGBTQ+ community has been quick to embrace this advancement of relations between machine and man, hailing it as “the Third Industrial Revolution”.
Flipside Investigation: Democracy Watchdog Ranks Among Us Above the United States in List of World’s Most Functioning Democracies
I took it upon myself to travel to The Skeld to investigate just how good of a democracy they have.
“I really feel for Ol’ Donald during his period of isolation. I simply cannot imagine a night without the tunes boppin’, a drink in my hand, and a hot wife to rail, much less two weeks! It’s truly a tragedy of our generation.”