This November, prepare your minds and loins for Trojan Airport: the only aphrodisiac that simulates the untapped sexual desire of seeing a person the same age as you at an airport.
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Soulja Boy puts Flipside-Sherman Ave feud to rest: “Fuck these fools! I was the first rapper to make a biting satirical news publication that not only takes aim at the absurdity of elite academic institutional life but also provides commentary on global events from a uniquely collegiate perspective!”
Big Draco stopped short of requesting a 5% cut of club funding, noting the Associated Student Government mandated budgets for each publication.
Collier, known for his intricate harmonic arrangements and the ability to bore nearly anyone’s date, will be traveling all the way from the color printer in Norris to Welsh-Ryan Arena to perform at Blowout this year.
3 hours later she pulls up in her ‘11 Ford Focus RS and parks behind my mom’s Sienna. I let her in, and we sit down on the OFF-WHITE x IKEA couch. I’m playin bass stems off Donda 2 from my Kanye West Stem Player; just straight up babymakin music to get my girl HARD.
“He literally said his favorite movie was the Zapruder film! I had no idea what that was, so I excused myself to head to the bathroom to Google it and dipped as soon as I found out what it was. What a freak!”
A new TikTok trend has gained popularity with men over forty and anyone suffering under late-stage capitalism. The #poemsbywillieloman trend went viral after account posted a series of videos of him speeding home while violently shaking his head to the beat of Party Rock Anthem by LMFAO, with this poem written in the caption:
Johnson decided to step into the ring with the furry three-and-a-half-year-old, saying that he’ll be “coming to Sesame Street to kick ass and eat cookies, and he’s all out of cookies”
“I never thought I would ever have the urge to call Morty a dame,” said Michael “But there I was, holding my eyeballs in their sockets so they wouldn’t pop out like a Looney Tunes horndog.”
Ask Flippy: Help! I Can’t Write Essays Anymore Without the White Noise of Violent Coughing. What Should I Do?
But what’s even crazier is that it seems like my work is at its peak when the coughs around me are particularly nasty. Or in simpler terms: the wetter the better!
Protected: Op-Ed (John Jameson Perspective): Just an “I am Weed” Guy Looking for My “You Smell Like Weed” Girl
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.