
Northwestern Baseball Team Realizes They’ve Been Holding Their Bats The Wrong Way After Twelfth Straight Loss

“…thin goes for the win.”
“…thin goes for the win.”
Do you REALLY know what your kidneys do, anyway? Here’s to never finding out.
According to Northwestern’s football coach, this torture was deliberate. During the off-season, he has turned to emotional tactics to try and get the Northwestern football team out of their slump.
Northwestern Football Spends $10 Billion on Performance Enhancing Drugs for Players, Still Can’t Seem to Win
There’s just something about those rocks that gets my mind thinking and my body moving
“Makes me sick that they think the quality of that boy’s skull is more important than football”
They are a plague on this campus – the likes of which have never been and will never be seen again.
“At first, I didn’t mind, since I’m tremendously committed to school spirit.”
“Carrying a small, sad, modern equivalent of Gabriel’s horn gives me to motivation to walk until my toe cartilage is worn away.”
“Too long hath these Pfizer and Moderna knaves parried with the virus. They flash thine fancy swords and dance around in thine gilded boots, but those swine’s art COWARDS. Sir Johnson shall end it all in a single blow!”