NUFB Says Mayo Tub Fight Night “Not Hazing, Just Business”

Despite outcry from many current and former students, NUFB claims that its most recent scandal — Mayo Tub Fight Night — was “not hazing, just business”.

In a tradition long forgotten by the NU community, football players of varying seniority come together before a big game to participate in MTFN, where they strip and lather up in the egg-oil emulsion.

“Frankly, I don’t get what people are making such a big deal about,” seventh string quarterback Darlic Aiolini said. “Yes, sometimes we have to ‘force’ guys into the tub. And sure, we consider it a form of group initiation — hell, Fitz himself used to shut the blinds to his office, revealing a hidden ‘GET LATHERED’ sign that I guess was just always there?” Aiolini paused before continuing. “He said he didn’t put it up, though.”

X (more commonly known as Twitter) user @fitzpologist1963 also came to the team’s defense.

“Yeah, you see stuff like this in basically every sport,” @fitzpologist1963 tweeted. “Dudes in baseball soaking in honey, women in field hockey dipping in bechamel. It’s a strategic advantage.”

When asked to explain the “fight” in “fight night”, @fitzpologist1963 only replied that “boys will be boys #MTFN”.

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