Tag Archives: northwestern

Pessimistic Student Will Just Occasionally Yell “Safety School” At Visiting Ohio State

With the mighty Ohio State Buckeyes set to visit Northwestern on Friday evening, many students found themselves pessimistic, and in some cases completely resigned to defeat. But for one Medill sophomore, pessimism wasn’t a barrier to doing what she loves: putting down her opponent’s intellect. “I know our odds don’t look too great,” slurred Northwestern University sophomore Joanna Booth, in line outside of the student entrance at Ryan Field. “But there’s always a solution that makes us look really, really

DNA Test: Warren About as Diverse as Northwestern Student Body

A DNA test recently revealed that Senator Elizabeth Warren is between 1/64th and 1/1,024th Native American, making her about as racially diverse as Northwestern. Junior Karla Driver was comforted upon hearing the news. “I think it’s important to have politicians who make wild and unsubstantiated claims to Native American ancestry,” said Driver, whose A in her freshman-year Gender and Sexuality Studies class entitles her to comment on most social issues. “We need politicians to look like a classroom on this campus:

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