Study Abroad Office Now Offering Summer Trip to Your Mom’s House
Your mom’s house is proving to be an incredibly popular destination with many Northwestern students.
Category Archives: Year 14
Two Roads Diverged in A Yellow Wood and My Wife Left Me: Poems By Willie Loman
A new TikTok trend has gained popularity with men over forty and anyone suffering under late-stage capitalism. The #poemsbywillieloman trend went viral after account posted a series of videos of him speeding home while violently shaking his head to the beat of Party Rock Anthem by LMFAO, with this poem written in the caption:
From The Archives: Railroads Hate Them! With This ONE-WEIRD TRICK The Donner Family CUT Their Traveling Expenses in HALF!
His savvy entrepreneurship made him the BANE of the Union Pacific Railroad!
From the Archives: Woe is Me! This Dreadful Winter Has Produced Puddles all Over Campus, But Alas I Have No Gentleman Suitor to Lay His Coat Over so that I May Pass
If only I had worn my green velvet dress to the residential college board’s Christmas party last winter – surely Archibald would have asked for my hand!
Northwestern To Cancel Aggressive COVID Countermeasures, Will Instead Impose Economic Sanctions
Figora and Northwestern are not afraid to stand down in the face of danger
From the Future: And One Best Buy Account to Rule Them All
One day you’ll inherit the BestBuy account passed down from my father before me, and his father before him, all the way back to the great Steve Zucherberg Bezos Trump — and those discounts and deals will carry you to old age, despite our living in squalor in the Dust Wake
Nancy Pelosi to Supplement Gazpacho Police with Minestrone Military
The minestrone military would consist of a beef and barley battalion, an Italian wedding infantry, and a nuclear weapons division.
From the Archives: Dr. Frankenstein says Monstrosity will be solved on a “State and Local Level”
Dr. Frankenstein has worked tirelessly for the past year containing the Monster, pushing the German population to observe distancing of 60 meters from the Monster at all times.
Ask Flippy: Do You Think my Bitmoji is Hotter than Me? I Feel Like my Bitmoji is Hotter than Me. Ok, Fuck-Marry-Kill, ready? Me, my Bitmoji, and Jake from Subway Surfers.
As someone whose celebrity crush is Flynn Rider—in his animated form, not like a human-version—I can kind of understand the Bitmoji appeal. But I can’t handle that little bitch being hotter than me, so I need your input.
From the Daily: News News News, News News News. We Write News! This is a Headline!
Whenever I see an email from the university, I think about it. Then I decide that I have to do something about it, and that the support of 70 of my peers out of thousands will be a large enough group to bring about change or adequate resistance