The other day, I went to get my second semiweekly rapid test, expecting the interaction to be the same as usual: walk in, show my silly little apps to the workers, and engage in the voyeuristic practice of having a mid-twenties man make fierce eye contact while I twirl a silly little q-tip in my nose. But all of a sudden, it’s gotten so much worse!
Putting one’s head inside a running microwave could allegedly, maybe, possibly cause cancer.
Chase’s “bro” and unofficial domestic partner Frad added, “And the only ‘hol they even had was Manischewitz. If I wanted to get slightly tipsy and puke up grape juice I woulda just gone to my sister’s bat Mitzvah this weekend like I was supposed to.”
“Semantically speaking, war crimes requires a war, and we have not formally declared war since the 1940s.”
The geogame clarified, “Bolesław I the Brave, Duke of Poland, claimed Saxony for Greater Poland in 1002.”
“Here are five ways to style one of Summer 2021’s hottest new trends.”
After a lightning-fast lap around the facility, Biden continued speeding directly towards the group of journalists unobserved, aided by the silence of the new state-of-the-art electric engine. However, they were soon made aware of his presence as he ran over the journalist who had earlier asked him for comment at top speed.
This is Hubert Parsley (class of ’20), speaking to you live on-air from the newly-repurposed Telegraph Room in Deering, Northwestern’s only library.
“Have a crush on Dr. Fauci? Come watch some of his press conferences with us!”