Most people venture to Target to buy holiday decorations or an artificial tree. But for Ted Cruz, he goes there to destroy all the “Happy Holiday” mugs.
Finally, a system that’s genuinely for the people.
“You have no idea how much it costs my mommy to ship 3 gallons of milk a week. It takes a lot out of her.”
“It doesn’t matter if you’re a yellow hippo or an orange moose or a pink anthropomorphic insect thingy—no one deserves to get kicked out of their home.”
Spend 24 hours in a Waffle House, get a tattoo of your friend’s choosing, or perform at an open mic. These are some of the most popular fantasy football punishments for the poor saps who finish last in their league, but once upon a time a man made the news for his WILD punishment. And you’ll never guess what he did or who he did it to. John Wilkes Booth was just a regular joe competing in his local fantasy
Look, I am no stranger to public outrage. I mourned with America over the fall of Blockbuster, I rioted when the McRib was stripped from the McDonald’s menu, and the establishment felt my wrath when Aaron Rodgers tore his Achilles tendon. But oh my god, was I taken aback by one group’s vitriol this past year. This past May, Taylor Swift was rumored to be dating problematic singer Matty Healy, and to be honest I have not seen white women that mad
Then just 10 minutes later, at 1:20 pm, an ungodly buzzing erupted throughout the room. But while everyone else was covering their ears, Baldwin was covering her mouth, trying to hide her cum face and mostly just ending up looking constipated.
When asked to comment, the stand-up comic maintained that a gentleman “never bangs our Lord and tells”.
McCarthy confessed that he had been taking solace in his diary and had been writing the lyrics “I’m grateful all the time/ I’m sexy, and I’m kind/ I’m pretty when I cry.”
“We have much more in store,” the studios commented, “including a limited-edition Kim Jong Un Bratz doll with matching missile accessories.”