“Desperate times call for desperate measures,” admitted Anthony Fauci in a joint statement with FDA director Stephen Hahn. “We’re not proud to be using Juul’s playbook, but damn, if they didn’t have a move or two in there.”
Category Archives: Nation
High School Senior Hunted Down and Publicly Shamed By President Schapiro After Accidentally Submitting “Why Northeastern” Application Essay
“I think it’s going to hurt the most vulnerable among the Northwestern Community: alumni that name drop Northwestern during every conversation and claim that the Ivy League is ‘a social construct.’”
The highly complex testing process included having blood drawn, mopping the deck and sparring with a member of a feuding ship.
Potential Biden Cabinet: President-Elect Eyeing Skyällsborg, Jill Biden Believes Grönkulla Matches Kitchen Counters Better
“Biden confused reporters with his inability to clarify whether he was talking about a person or furniture.”
Over the last 8 months, the world has anxiously awaited the development of a cure for COVID-19. However, Pfizer has announced a new vaccine that successfully protects 90% of all people who take it against COVID-19. While many see this as the end-all to coronavirus, others are skeptical over the efficacy of the vaccine. “Ever since I signed up to test the vaccine, my balls have been itching”, said Jay Mast, who asked to remain anonymous, “at first I thought
Pence blames prostate exam on his exploratory phase in college, tells wife “I will do better next time”
What started as a routine check-up turned into an experience unlike any other, except maybe one other.
“Both candy corn and its enjoyers have no taste, will show up uninvited at your Halloween parties and can, if so compelled, clog up your ear.”
Flipside Investigation: Democracy Watchdog Ranks Among Us Above the United States in List of World’s Most Functioning Democracies
I took it upon myself to travel to The Skeld to investigate just how good of a democracy they have.
“I really feel for Ol’ Donald during his period of isolation. I simply cannot imagine a night without the tunes boppin’, a drink in my hand, and a hot wife to rail, much less two weeks! It’s truly a tragedy of our generation.”
In recent months, the FDA has released several warnings about certain hand sanitizer companies producing faulty content. This downgrade in average quality of hand sanitizer has concerned epidemiologists and doctors alike, but most perturbed are longtime self-proclaimed members of the hand sanitizer fandom. “It’s just disappointing,” said Sandy Teiser, 33. “Even my son, who would never wash his hands when told—let alone use soap—now carries five bottles of half-rate hand sanitizer everywhere he goes. There’s no way to distinguish between