Category Archives: World

Inclusivity Win! To Welcome in the Holiday Season, Michael Schill Googles Kwanzaa

Now that your roommate has finally returned home from his Halloweekend bender at U of I, it’s time to get ready for the holidays. Reports say that Northwestern’s administration is well-aware of the impending season and is “itching to finally get some good press for the first time since we filled in that lake.” Exclusive reports from within the offices of the Michael Schill, famed cheese lover and pet sniffer, indicate that the institution would like to expand the festivities

He Had to Do WHAT to WHO? John Wilkes Booth’s WILD Fantasy Football Punishment

Spend 24 hours in a Waffle House, get a tattoo of your friend’s choosing, or perform at an open mic. These are some of the most popular fantasy football punishments for the poor saps who finish last in their league, but once upon a time a man made the news for his WILD punishment. And you’ll never guess what he did or who he did it to. John Wilkes Booth was just a regular joe competing in his local fantasy

From The Prehistoric Archives: OOGA OOGA ROAR The Existence Of A Capitalist State Relies Fundamentally On The Exploitation Of Those Who Participate But Are Not Allowed To Excel In The System Governing Their Lives

DINOSAUR GO! One must question the system I expect we shall soon find ourselves operating beneath — a system in which the oligarchs of society control the upper echelon outside of the laws binding those beneath them.

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