Honestly It Shouldn’t Be That Hard to Avoid Eleven Bread for Eight Days
First of all, what do they mean when they say “eleven bread”? Eleven pieces of bread? Eleven slices? Eleven baguettes?
Author Archives: Diego Guerrero
Op-Ed: As A Disabled-By-Choice Transgender Bisexual Hijabi Anglophone Quebecois, I Think Trump Is Doing A Pretty Good Job
Comrades,I never thought I’d say this, but lately I find myself nodding—hijab and all—at policy speechesthe reactionary francophone bourgeoise tell me I’m supposed to hate. As a disabled-by-choice,transgender bisexual hijabi anglophone Québécois, I’ve slaved to create an attention-grabbingand deeply flawed political identity, and now I think I’ve found my soulmate.Take trade, for instance. I’ve long opposed free trade agreements because of how they exploit thedomestic proletariat and raise oat milk prices, so when a politician finally started talking abouttariffs, I
Perry the Platypus Sees His Shadow, 6 More Weeks of Nefarious Scheming To Come
Just earlier this year, the mad man’s antics included creating
a device that would disable all electric vehicle batteries and force commuters to overload
Danville’s poor public transport systems, brainwashing pigeons into stealing people’s jewelry
and bringing it to him, and infecting the city’s water supply with cholera.
Millions Realized They Were Deceivemaxxed As Clavicular Forced To Gymcopemax After Being Auramogged While Benchpressing, Cortisol Spiked After Framemogg Nuked By Gymratmoids
You can imagine the dismay I felt when I saw Clavicular having to gymcopemax after being auramogged by gymratmoids for only benching 135lbs.
From the Archives: Flippy’s Mischievous but Good-Hearted Sidekick, Jumpy, Killed in Firefight with Vietcong Forces Outside Saigon (1968)
Flipside can now confirm that Jumpy, Flippy’s mischievous sidekick, was among the 10 Americans killed in the early morning hours of February 3rd, 1968.
US Agrees to Sell Saudi Arabia Advanced Cruise Missiles with Warheads Small Enough That They Only Kill Specific Yemeni Children Rather Than the Entire School Bus
The missile allows for extremely precise targeting, which is crucial where the mission calls only for one or two children on board a school bus to be killed.
Dick Cheney Begins Search for Saddam Hussein’s Hiding Spot in Heaven
This story will be updated as the hunt for Saddam Hussein’s spirit continues.
From the Archives (1355): My Lord Spoke to Thy Lord and he Said we Need to Hookup to Save Our Two KingdomsÂ
My Lord, the most gentle Prince of all the realm, spaketh to thy Lord and, upon hearing his reply, made note that we are instructed to hookup in order to save our Kingdoms from the heathen invaders. Thy Lord’s message was most clear, our two shires may be separated by many a mile and rivers flowing, and may be bitter foes of ancient times, but we must put aside our respective differences to unite our forces and beat back the
Ask Flippy: Cargo Pants Beep Beep, Traingo Pants Choo Choo, Boatgo Pants Though?Â
Dearest Flippy, It was clear since I got my first pair of cargo pants that cargo beep beep–possibly even vroom vroom, depending on the engine. Traingo pants, naturally, go choo choo. It should be noted, however, that choo choo is only a part of the traingo pants. Traingo pants also chugga chugga, which often precedes the aforementioned choo choo. Boatpants, however, remain a trickier quandary to wrestle with. Boat does not go vroom or choo. Although I should note the
Touch-Starved Man Half Heartedly Resists As Aliens Probe His Body
Noos, who teared up and wistfully looked up at the sky while recounting his experience, said that although he was first nervous when he woke up to see the fellas surrounding him in his bedroom, as soon as they placed their hands on him, he couldn’t bring himself to resist.