Scheming Eunuch Ben Auby Has NOTHING To Do With Ominous Fog Descending Over EvanstonÂ
I mean, come on, it says “Scheming Eunuch, weather sorcerer” on his driver’s license.
Author Archives: Diego Guerrero
Op-Ed: Boeing 747? More Like, More Like Boing Boing Boing Boing Boing Boing Boing (740 More Times)
Hear ye, hear ye, all ye faithful rest thy knees and allow me to spin ye a yarn which ye shan’t soon forget.
Nuclear Family Splits In Incredible Explosion
You think your parents’ divorce (your fault) was bad? Just you sit your pretty little sweet hottight ass down and wait, because while most divorces can be awfully messy, NOTHING,compares to this, because this nuclear family split in an incredible explosion. Scientists at Los Alamos National Laboratory had been studying the family of Duncan McOkinerand his now ex-wife Sinead (née Meadhbh), as well as their two children Martin and Julie, forover two years before their split in an incredible explosion
All This Catholic Bishop Stuff is Making Me Feel Like a Pawn Again
And that’s why it pains me so to see these other bishops and princes of the church milling about at the Vatican during this time, pretending that they’re deep in prayer while in reality we know that the “conclave” is really just a great fuck fantasy, acting so holier-than-thou like Bishop Lombardo once did.
From the Archives: From the Future: From the Archives: From the Future: Local Man Stuck in Time Loop
For example, eyewitnesses to the events at the police station have corroborated his testimony that several police officers woulddid indeed pull their service weapons when, as Oxlong predicted, after he threatened to blow up the building.
My Cat’s Thoughts On New Trump Tariffs: “mrr mrrrr meeoorrr miauuuu miau mrr”Â
The good and honest American people are no stranger to so-called “experts” talking down to them on TV about how to spend their money and why their grocery bills aren’t going down. “Oh, it’s because you’re spending too much on DraftKings, no it’s because America is getting screwed over by its trade partners”. Well, America, here are some thoughts on Trump’s new tariffs from the only economic expert you need, my cat Billibob (AKA: Billi, Hobo Kitty): “mrr mrrrr meeoorrr
Weinberg Student Mumbles “No More Mr. Nice Guy” While Eyeing Empty Bottle Of AntidepressantsÂ
Weinberg freshman Richard Lärgen has run out of his prescription of Lexapro, a common antidepressant, and was seen mumbling to himself in the mirror “no more Mr. Nice Guy” while attempting to brush his teeth.Â
Ask Flippy: I Saw My Parents Watching “Fifty Shades of Grey” When I Was 9, Does That Explain Why I Am This Way?
Then, I started to remember another incident. The incident. You see, when I was 9 walked into the living room and saw my parents watching Fifty Shades of Grey on the TV. It was the ice cube scene. Right before what I now know is called some “hot fucking shit”.
Somebody Put Ben Down He’s Drunk On Star Power
Everybody’s seen somebody go on a power trip before. Police officers when they pull over people, that kid that was supposed to watch over the class while the teacher went out to go use the bathroom, Joseph Stalin, just to name a few. But never before has a power trip been as dangerous as this one, never before has one rush of authority to somebody’s head been as dangerous as this. For God’s sake, somebody put Ben down, he’s drunk
Op-Ed: Scuba Diving is WAY More Exciting than Becoming a Father
his little, wet, salamander-colored life-form, by his own existence, took from me my passion. My wife made me get rid of the scuba gear, you see; she didn’t want me to “get some awful fucking decompression sickness and have [my] guts pop out through [my] eye sockets” and leave her with our son, William, all alone. William, more like, Will-I-Ever-Be-Free-Again?