The seat that is always left open for his imaginary friend was just usurped by a mere passer-by who’s obsessed with watching baby boys get their foreskin cut off. What a creep!
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Latest in Local
Responsible Landlord: Fire Hazard Resolved When Apartment Burns to Ground
“Yeah, they told me the heater didn’t work because of some kind of gas leak. In my opinion, the kids we rent to these days are pretty entitled,” Johnston commented, stepping over a flaming support beam. “When I’m cold at home, I just put on a sweater. And when I’m hot, I fan myself with a nice, thick stack of Benjamins.”
Report: Lamb’s Blood on Area Man’s Door “Not a Religious Thing, Just Leftovers from Dinner”
Study Abroad Office Now Offering Summer Trip to Your Mom’s House
From the Archives: Woe is Me! This Dreadful Winter Has Produced Puddles all Over Campus, But Alas I Have No Gentleman Suitor to Lay His Coat Over so that I May Pass
Responsible Landlord: Fire Hazard Resolved When Apartment Burns to Ground
“Yeah, they told me the heater didn’t work because of some kind of gas leak. In my opinion, the kids we rent to these days are pretty entitled,” Johnston commented, stepping over a flaming support beam. “When I’m cold at home, I just put on a sweater. And when I’m hot, I fan myself with a nice, thick stack of Benjamins.”
Report: Lamb’s Blood on Area Man’s Door “Not a Religious Thing, Just Leftovers from Dinner”
Study Abroad Office Now Offering Summer Trip to Your Mom’s House
From the Archives: Woe is Me! This Dreadful Winter Has Produced Puddles all Over Campus, But Alas I Have No Gentleman Suitor to Lay His Coat Over so that I May Pass
Latest in Opinion
Op-Ed: (Sneaker Head Perspective) “Why Would I Wear a Condom? That Would Crease it!”
3 hours later she pulls up in her ‘11 Ford Focus RS and parks behind my mom’s Sienna. I let her in, and we sit down on the OFF-WHITE x IKEA couch. I’m playin bass stems off Donda 2 from my Kanye West Stem Player; just straight up babymakin music to get my girl HARD.
Op-Ed: I’m Going to Live Forever. So Far, So Good.
Op-ed: Regular Social Media Doesn’t Fuel My Superiority Complex Anymore, So You Can Now Only Find Me on Goodreads and Letterboxd
Op-Ed: I put on Beats headphones to walk across campus and now I’m trapped in a commercial where the sidewalks rotate in tempo with my music
Op-Ed: (Sneaker Head Perspective) “Why Would I Wear a Condom? That Would Crease it!”
3 hours later she pulls up in her ‘11 Ford Focus RS and parks behind my mom’s Sienna. I let her in, and we sit down on the OFF-WHITE x IKEA couch. I’m playin bass stems off Donda 2 from my Kanye West Stem Player; just straight up babymakin music to get my girl HARD.
Op-Ed: I’m Going to Live Forever. So Far, So Good.
Op-ed: Regular Social Media Doesn’t Fuel My Superiority Complex Anymore, So You Can Now Only Find Me on Goodreads and Letterboxd
Op-Ed: I put on Beats headphones to walk across campus and now I’m trapped in a commercial where the sidewalks rotate in tempo with my music
Latest in Ask Flippy
Ask Flippy: Do You Think my Bitmoji is Hotter than Me? I Feel Like my Bitmoji is Hotter than Me. Ok, Fuck-Marry-Kill, ready? Me, my Bitmoji, and Jake from Subway Surfers.
As someone whose celebrity crush is Flynn Rider—in his animated form, not like a human-version—I can kind of understand the Bitmoji appeal. But I can’t handle that little bitch being hotter than me, so I need your input.
Ask Flippy: I Want to Write a Novel, But I’ve Never Fought in the Spanish Civil War or Emotionally Abused a Woman. What Should I Do?
Ask Flippy (Film Guy Perspective): What??? You HAVEN’T SEEN The Dark Knight??? Okay Hahaa We Toootally Have to Watch it Sometime
Ask Flippy: Help! I Can’t Write Essays Anymore Without the White Noise of Violent Coughing. What Should I Do?
Ask Flippy: Do You Think my Bitmoji is Hotter than Me? I Feel Like my Bitmoji is Hotter than Me. Ok, Fuck-Marry-Kill, ready? Me, my Bitmoji, and Jake from Subway Surfers.
As someone whose celebrity crush is Flynn Rider—in his animated form, not like a human-version—I can kind of understand the Bitmoji appeal. But I can’t handle that little bitch being hotter than me, so I need your input.
Ask Flippy: I Want to Write a Novel, But I’ve Never Fought in the Spanish Civil War or Emotionally Abused a Woman. What Should I Do?
Ask Flippy (Film Guy Perspective): What??? You HAVEN’T SEEN The Dark Knight??? Okay Hahaa We Toootally Have to Watch it Sometime
Ask Flippy: Help! I Can’t Write Essays Anymore Without the White Noise of Violent Coughing. What Should I Do?
Latest in Entertainment
From the Archives: God, These Cannon Shots in Tchaikovsky’s 1812 Overture Are So Obscene and Obnoxious! What Has Become of Pop Music?
I should have known something was wrong when the premiere wasn’t even in the Cathedral of Christ the Saviour — our tickets lied to us. I mean — come on — how long does it take to set up a venue?! They’ve been building the thing since 1812, for Christ’s sake!
From the Archives: God, These Cannon Shots in Tchaikovsky’s 1812 Overture Are So Obscene and Obnoxious! What Has Become of Pop Music?
I should have known something was wrong when the premiere wasn’t even in the Cathedral of Christ the Saviour — our tickets lied to us. I mean — come on — how long does it take to set up a venue?! They’ve been building the thing since 1812, for Christ’s sake!
Report: Lamb’s Blood on Area Man’s Door “Not a Religious Thing, Just Leftovers from Dinner”
While EPD has concluded that the lamb’s blood mark was “no threat to person or property” in the neighborhood, forensics experts will still “thoroughly investigate the area for signs of lice, flies, locusts, and corpses of firstborn children.”
Local Date Says His Favorite Movie Is The Zapruder film
“He literally said his favorite movie was the Zapruder film! I had no idea what that was, so I excused myself to head to the bathroom to Google it and dipped as soon as I found out what it was. What a freak!”
VeggieTales Officially Incorporated into Biblical Canon
Diehard supporters of the Eucharist reject the pious produce, claiming that the only food group that can be connected to God is flaccid bread.
As punishment for botched season, football team must give up Charmin privileges
Jimmy John told reporters. “Now they have something else out of the toilet to work for—being decent enough at a sport to earn Charmin’s soft, gentle kiss.”