The seat that is always left open for his imaginary friend was just usurped by a mere passer-by who’s obsessed with watching baby boys get their foreskin cut off. What a creep!
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The seat that is always left open for his imaginary friend was just usurped by a mere passer-by who’s obsessed with watching baby boys get their foreskin cut off. What a creep!
Read moreUse old, ancient wisdum [sic] of 20 suncycle [sic] on mothr [sic] Urth [sic] and smarts for smart thing, ask queschun [sic]: “can i (Borbra Smartbrain Elder Sciencer) eat tihs cactis?” [sic]
Read more“I can’t do this pushin’ P shit anymore, man,” the “Lemonade” rapper lamented through tears via Instagram Live earlier this morning. “All I can get out is blood and little rocks, and the whole time it burns like hell – this ain’t P, dude. Like, literally. Look at this. Does that look like P to you?.”
Read moreThe minestrone military would consist of a beef and barley battalion, an Italian wedding infantry, and a nuclear weapons division.
Read more“Yeah, they told me the heater didn’t work because of some kind of gas leak. In my opinion, the kids we rent to these days are pretty entitled,” Johnston commented, stepping over a flaming support beam. “When I’m cold at home, I just put on a sweater. And when I’m hot, I fan myself with a nice, thick stack of Benjamins.”
3 hours later she pulls up in her ‘11 Ford Focus RS and parks behind my mom’s Sienna. I let her in, and we sit down on the OFF-WHITE x IKEA couch. I’m playin bass stems off Donda 2 from my Kanye West Stem Player; just straight up babymakin music to get my girl HARD.
As someone whose celebrity crush is Flynn Rider—in his animated form, not like a human-version—I can kind of understand the Bitmoji appeal. But I can’t handle that little bitch being hotter than me, so I need your input.
I should have known something was wrong when the premiere wasn’t even in the Cathedral of Christ the Saviour — our tickets lied to us. I mean — come on — how long does it take to set up a venue?! They’ve been building the thing since 1812, for Christ’s sake!
“He literally said his favorite movie was the Zapruder film! I had no idea what that was, so I excused myself to head to the bathroom to Google it and dipped as soon as I found out what it was. What a freak!”
Diehard supporters of the Eucharist reject the pious produce, claiming that the only food group that can be connected to God is flaccid bread.
Jimmy John told reporters. “Now they have something else out of the toilet to work for—being decent enough at a sport to earn Charmin’s soft, gentle kiss.”
She so brilliantly did a quick WebMD search for me.