Ah spring, the perfect time for soaking up amazing weather, picnicking by the beach, and publicly insulting large groups of people with sexistly-charged insults and not receiving any backlash.
What is this, literally 1984? Fuck you. Fuck off. Fuck.
“Imagine what it would feel like to have, like, six months’ worth of crumbs inside of you.”
We’re just going to nelky send 90’s Taco Bell,” Wintour announced, donning a pair of Taco Bell x DIFF sunglasses for the occasion.
3 hours later she pulls up in her ‘11 Ford Focus RS and parks behind my mom’s Sienna. I let her in, and we sit down on the OFF-WHITE x IKEA couch. I’m playin bass stems off Donda 2 from my Kanye West Stem Player; just straight up babymakin music to get my girl HARD.
I should have known something was wrong when the premiere wasn’t even in the Cathedral of Christ the Saviour — our tickets lied to us. I mean — come on — how long does it take to set up a venue?! They’ve been building the thing since 1812, for Christ’s sake!
“Kids today, only want iPhone and hot chip. No appreciation for flint knapping or nomadic lifestyle,” said Stonespear while eying my processed food nervously.
Mhapiro was a last-minute addition to the debate, entering with black dye dripping down his forehead and frantically reading a sheet of paper that had the words “hip slang the kids are using” Sharpied at the top.
There have also been various movements to decide what should replace these lost Women’s History Months. Polling aggregate and news site Buzzfeed is the current battleground for the decision. According to the website, the current leading options are Free Dairy Queen Cone Month, Pride Month 2, Grandparents’ Month, and Monthy McMonthface.
“Yeah, they told me the heater didn’t work because of some kind of gas leak. In my opinion, the kids we rent to these days are pretty entitled,” Johnston commented, stepping over a flaming support beam. “When I’m cold at home, I just put on a sweater. And when I’m hot, I fan myself with a nice, thick stack of Benjamins.”