Author Archives: Kyra Lesmerises

Ask Flippy: Do you think Damian Lillard says “It’s Dame Time” before he has sex?

Dear Flippy, After watching Damian Lillard win the NBA All-Star 3-Point Contest for the second straight year, a burning question came over me. He’s always introduced with the phrase, “It’s Dame Time!” and then he points at his wrist accordingly. It’s cool, it’s fun, whatever. But I began to think about its real life applications. I’ve heard that Lillard is as clutch in the sheets as he is on the court. Thus, do you think he says, “It’s Dame Time!”

NFL Prepares to Celebrate MLK Day by Changing Signature Endzone Phrase “End Racism” to “End Racism NOW!”

For Roger, the changes weren’t quick enough. The fans were changed – some of them even got the phrase tattooed – yet it was clear: racism still existed. First, they thought maybe they should change the font – would comic sans be more eye-catching? Then, maybe the color – was it problematic the words were painted in white?

Northwestern Student’s Unique Accommodation: “I’m Allergic To Any Dorms That Don’t Rhyme With Kincoln Or Lemper”

Northwestern prides itself on being very accessible and accommodating students’ needs, no matter what they are. However, one student’s recent accommodation has administration racing to research this unique condition. “I’m allergic to any dorms that don’t rhyme with Kincoln or Lemper,” a rising sophomore claimed. The student further explained that he needs to be placed in dorms that specifically fit this designation, or else there would be serious consequences. “I would probably spontaneously combust,” the student said, when asked what

Op-Ed: I Found Out Dance Marathon Wasn’t An Actual Marathon AFTER Doing The Cha-Cha Slide For 26.2 Miles

It wasn’t easy. Sometimes, I felt my elbows revert to jogging elbows. But I re-focused and got back into my rhythm every time. I had some other struggles when I reached Chicago, such as bumping into people when I followed the lyrics of “slide to the left.” I felt self-conscious when I had to clap my hands in rapid succession – people definitely stared. Yet, through all those trials and tribulations, I persevered. When I completed those 26.2 miles, I cried tears of joy.

Lack of Red Wave Attributed to Republicans not getting a “Triple-thick Black and White Milkshake” after Voting

Some Republicans are calling fraud about who got a triple-thick black and white milkshake or not, specifically regarding the milk-makeup of the shake. “If you got oat milk instead of real milk it shouldn’t count,” representative Lauren Boebert remarked. “Any weak Lib who can’t handle real American milk is not a real American.”