With the dawn of yet another biting Chicago-area winter comes countless Northwestern undergraduates with stories of daring exploits from their fall quarters spent abroad. While these students’ tales may seem enticing at first glance for students who have yet to study outside of Evanston, it’s a pretty safe bet that any given dude you pass on Sheridan studied abroad in western Europe. A 2019 study conducted by ASG indicates that while a whopping 83% of Northwestern undergraduates interested in studying
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“Sure, Professor Pierce’s brutal divorce and struggle with alcoholism is sad, but how else was I supposed to clarify the minor typo in the grading policy?”
Schwartz’s mother said that she is supportive of Schwartz’s transition onto the 2D plane so long as she promises to call more.
In First Sign Of Progress, Local Kindergartners And Tree Squirrels Agree To Temporary Thanksgiving Ceasefire
The conflict most likely started when Jeremy Jones – the third-stickiest member of his kindergarden class – accidentally wiped his boogers inside the tree where Snuggles usually stores his acorns.
When asked what he liked about Thanksgiving, Winters commented, “I’m not feeling it this year. I mean, politics is crazy: climate change, gun violence, probably something else preventable is happening in Evanston.”
“Y’know, I saw that she wanted me to treat her with a modicum of respect, and I was like, woah bitch, you’re kinda asking a lot. Crazy much?”
“Uncle Bob just drinks consistently throughout dinner, but occasionally he says ‘Cheers!’ and clinks his wine glass and his vodka tonic together before downing both,” says Brenda.
“Basically, if you bring up anything except the weather he’ll start shaking uncontrollably.”
“Northwestern’s overreliance on outside zones cannot continue into the second decade of the 21st century.”
NUPD released a statement on Tuesday night that they’d caught a Mr. Johnny “The Mouse*” Bilderson, Evanston’s most prolific criminal. Mr. Bilderson has 0 robbery charges, 1 money laundering charge, and 17 loitering charges on his rap sheet, making him the most dangerous criminal in Evanston history. Johnny was caught when it was revealed he’d been laundering money for the various Evanston crime families (colloquially known as “fraternities”) through a “Take a Penny, Leave a Penny” service in a deli