“Plus, when my professors asked me to introduce myself, I was so used to saying, ‘I’m Artie Jones and I live in Willard,’” said Jones. “It was tragic to have to say, ‘I’m Artie and I live in…Los Angeles.’”Read More
Unfortunately, the researchers were unable to find any students willing to speak to the reasons why they don’t speak up more.
“It’s obviously the bad vibes of the breakout rooms that are conjuring acne on my face.”
Until recently, local teenager Jenny Dorn was an avid supporter of the government’s decision to continue the coronavirus lockdown until scientists declare that a slow reopening can safely begin. However, she had a change of…
“We are requiring BrewBike to close its stores in Evanston immediately because it is not essential now nor has it ever been essential”
I found the perfect rainbow tube top at Urban this summer. Ever since then, I’ve been looking for the right pair of funky shorts, to no avail.
“When she finally woke me up and I saw her in lingerie, I nearly stabbed my eyes out.”
“I don’t know who he thinks he’s impressing. It was sorta funny the first week of class, but now it’s just pathetic,” said concerned classmate John Masters.
What better way, then, to light aflame the hearts and minds of my classmates than by plastering my puckered ass skin all over their laptop screens?
“It’s like she used this tired gimmick to distract us from how self-isolation is deteriorating her mental health,” said her classmate Darrell Jamison, RTVF ‘22. “The propeller looks pretty funny, but I’m not laughing. I’m concerned.”