“Over the last thirty years, it’s gotten to the point where I can’t take it anymore.”
Category Archives: Local
“I got a text from Color last night saying ‘What that mouth do?’”
“I think I really just needed some alone time,” says Adam Ghoul, standing outside of his ex-girlfriend’s apartment building.
After using your scholarly advice of presenting her with my own kerchief, I roused up the manly courage to tell her that I found her to be one of the most vexing maidens I hath laid mine eyes upon.
The Evanston Fire Department arrived on scene immediately after Martin literally erupted in flames.
The Flipside Guide to: staying humble when you single-handedly put your entire hometown back in quarantine
No matter the slack you get from the Moms of Springfield Facebook group, don’t stop partying!
“Campus police have had to confiscate or outright destroy over 70 acoustic guitars in the name of aural preservation.”
Breaking: President Schapiro Allows First- and Second-Year Students to Visit Campus Once “As a Treat”
“All first- and second-year students can come visit campus once this winter, if they want,” said Schapiro. “You know, as a treat.”
“You’re not a sexy cat, or a sexy maid, or a sexy bottle of Suave Men 3 in 1 Citrus Rush Shampoo, Conditioner and Body Wash. You’re just your sad little self, and that should be enough.”
“I’ve tried to talk to him and make sure he’s doing ok, but he kept shouting about land disputes between Kosovo and Serbia,” explained a close friend, who wished to remain anonymous.