“The whole thing really started when she called me a moron. I thought fine, if that’s so funny I’ll just take your boron”, said Mrs. Brantley with a chuckle, who has a dual degree in chemistry and poetry.
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After the wildly unsuccessful “Bay of Pigs Internship Program”, it’s only natural that administration is tightening their application requirements.
If you don’t want caffeine, they have smoothies and stuff, too, I think.
“When I came here, I had a purity score of 100,” attested Annie Eisenbower, McCormick ‘23, “but when I changed into my jammies, after a spirited debate about the role of metaphysics in the world of meta-metaphysics with some colleagues, it went up to 102.”
They say that if you give a man a fish, he’ll eat for a day, but if you purchase a local Walmart franchise you effectively own all the fish within a two-mile radius.
“Originally I was undecided,” claimed Cohen, “but after my parents thought that I meant ‘happy’ when I told them I was gay, I knew that I needed to take drastic measures to communicate my sexuality. So I charged my US Gay & Lesbian History textbooks to my family’s Amazon account.”
It’s no secret to NU students that the school has problems managing money, from administration blowing millions on football games to continuing to fund the theater program. However, recent statements out of the office of the president indicate that these troubles may be over. When Morty Schapiro went into a budget meeting with several of the financial experts in charge of the university’s endowment with one of those bats with nails in it, reporters were unsure of the outcome. However
Even the professor seemed impressed when he briefly stopped his teaching halfway through class. “I am so proud of…Cole?… for finally trimming his nails,” said Professor Gill, “I know that this journey has been a long one – even longer than his nail was.”
“Basically, my standards are that I don’t want someone who has a criminal record,” Seymour said, “Actually… if he’s willing to cover electric, I wouldn’t mind a few class-3 misdemeanors.”
Campus police report that girl code infractions have spiraled beyond the brave forces’ physical and emotional capabilities.