Local Wellness Guru Uses Morning Sun Salutations as Dedicated Time to Plot Revenge

While on Instagram live, famous Evanston wellness guru Sea-Anemone Marigold answered a fan’s question regarding what she thinks about during her morning sun salutations and explained that she uses the time to focus on her breath work and, of course, to plot revenge. 

Her answer sparked an array of further inquiries, so she ended up filming an in-depth YouTube video demonstrating her bloodthirsty morning routine. 

“So just breathe in for 4… hold for 7… and as you’re holding, picture your greatest enemy… and think of 5 ways you can ruin their life. Now breathe out for 8, and as you do, pick one idea that you will enact this week,” Marigold explains in the video, which now has over 4 million views. 

“I mean, it’s just revolutionary,” says one fan. “Yesterday, as I was finding inner peace during cat-cow, I realized that I could slip extra-strong laxatives in my Chem teacher’s water bottle when she isn’t looking. Thanks to Marigold’s meditative yoga, I am now finally over that horrific midterm. My chakras feel completely open.” 

Marigold has received backlash from some established yogis who say that her method goes directly against the concept of meditation. In response, Marigold reminded her critics that meditation is about achieving mental and emotional stability, which can only be achieved through mental and emotional INstability. “Sometimes you just need to go full batshit before you ground yourself, like Ke$ha (or should we say Kesha). That’s the message I’m also trying to spread.”Fans are greatly anticipating a new video that Marigold has teased all week: “Morning affirmations that will make your ex’s brakes stop working.” 

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