Category Archives: Local

Fun Fall Activities to Try when Your Horny Roommate Sexiles You for the Fifth Time This Week

It’s that time of year again. Leaves are turning hues of crimson, white girls are donning the baggy-sweater-and-leggings look, there’s a chill in the air, and — your horny roommate is texting you “can u stay out tonight?” for the fifth time this week. That’s right, you’ve been sexiled. Your first instinct may be to get mad, but try to remain calm. Remember, roommates are people too! They have needs! What was your roommate supposed to do when he encountered

White Person at Costa Rican Restaurant Really Going for Broke on Spanish Pronunciations

Chicagoan Jackson Johnson was seen Thursday night taking some real frigging swings pronouncing dishes at Taqueria de San Josè, a local restaurant specializing in Costa Rican cuisine. Johnson, a professional juggler and amateur veterinarian, requested “goockamull with chips” immediately after greeting his server with an “aloha”. He inquired if the restaurant sold “churrithzo,” and described it as “that spicy meat thing in Starbucks sandwiches.” Johnson enthusiastically described the restaurant as “authentic Latincks cuisine” to his friends. Johnson’s friends were “horrified”

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