Cause you see, I’ve seen you men. You men, who mock your beautiful girlfriends and their Korean skincare collections, their pimple patches and their salicylic acid serums. And one day, when she’s had enough of you dipping into her Olaplex budget to buy battle passes, she’s going to look to someone who understands her. Someone who cares that Glossier just got added to Sephora. Someone that will, oh, I don’t know, rub her neck when she’s stressed out.
I don’t want to look foolish in front of Aunt Myrna.
“He literally said his favorite movie was the Zapruder film! I had no idea what that was, so I excused myself to head to the bathroom to Google it and dipped as soon as I found out what it was. What a freak!”
stated Ye in an Instagram caption. “I’VE PARTNERED WITH THE PEOPLE OVER AT TOOTHTUNES FOR AN EXCLUSIVE DONDA 3 LISTENING EXPERIENCE ONLY TO BE ENJOYED FOR 2 MINUTES TWICE A DAY.”
“I guess I just didn’t expect my residents to be that unable to get laid.”
“I asked the kid on top why he was nine feet tall,” Marty continued. “He stuttered for a bit before responding that it was some sort of hormonal imbalance. He also kept going on about how he was pursuing a Masters in “Money” in order to support “local businesses” like VibeQuest and The Table.”
“So what, they were giving us fucking spider-filled bananas this whole time and they’re just NOW telling us? I’m disgusted.”
The pair, both 19 and Gemini suns, discovered they were expecting after a night of passion on the Bobb-McCulloch lounge couch, and were set on delivering the baby as naturally as possible.
“You know, it was completely unexpected,” said Parks, now 19. “When she called on me to recalibrate, I originally thought she meant the other Josh, Josh M. Never in a million years would I expect to be chosen for such a prestigious responsibility.”