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Category Archives: No. 361
After his first ten years in the Shadow Lands between human consciousness and the turbulent, virus-ridden hivemind underscoring the entire known universe, the Hat Man even returned to Bain for six months as an executive recruiter.
Do you REALLY know what your kidneys do, anyway? Here’s to never finding out.
Wait, What?? Bay of Pigs Invasion, Mutually Assured Destruction, and Other Cold War Terms That Aren’t Actually Slang Terms for Sex!
I know, even I was shocked this made the list! I also use this to refer to my rock hard penis all the time. And no, this is not pronounced “Intercumtinental Ball Listic Missile”!
“It vill [sic] be the start of something new,” an anonymous source close to the president (herein called Kizzy Illian) shared. “My comrades and I seek the liberation of all members of the Flipside and Northwestern at large; and with support from those directly involved with the Supreme Leader, we believe she will be ousted summarily.”
As it turned out, one entire book of state quarters doesn’t even cover a Plan B pill, even if the Michigan quarter is from 1962.
The new track features a sick freestyle verse from Greta Thunberg, remixed over the death wails of a choking sea turtle.
“We needed someone to buy us beer,” said Josie Cuervo, a junior. at Stuyvesant High School. “Then my friends and I heard Leo DiCaprio was sniffing around for younger women to date. Seemed to me like this might be the beginning of a beautiful partnership.”
Heartwarming: Northwestern Basketball Rekindles Relationships Between Hundreds of Estranged Fathers and Daughters
“In high school, I was lucky if my dad could remember my best friend’s name or what grade I was in. Now, we talk for hours on the phone about our favorite players on the team and he knows absolutely everything about them. It’s crazy!”
The odds that your professor has done something problematic that has ended up online are incredibly high. All you need to do is find the evidence.